Tag Archives: Parenting

Worklife Crafting Because Worklife Cannot Be Balanced

Work-Life Daily_ WORKLIFE CRAFTING BECAUSE WORKLIFE CANNOT BE BALANCED

Once in a while, I get called to make contributions to LinkedIn conversations around work-life balance. And there was this LinkedIn post that goes like this, “I don’t believe in work-life balance. The word, balance, seems binary and implies taking from one in favor of another. I think of life as a puzzle. Time is limited, so I carefully choose the most important pieces to craft the kind of life I want to live, and everything else stays on the table.” Guess what jumped at me, worklife crafting!

“You have the option of carefully choosing the most important pieces to craft the kind of life you want to live.”

The post was by Irina Gerry. But it is what Ariel wrote that touched me further. It practically summed up for me, what it means to be doing worklife crafting because work-life cannot be balanced.

The Most Important Pieces To Craft

“I love the way you think Irina Gerry“, Ariel started. “For a while now, I’ve felt the term “work-life balance” is outdated because it implies that there is a standard that applies equally to everyone. Before I had kids, I was shamed for investing so much time in passionately pursuing and giving everything to a career I loved. But I felt balanced, because I was inspired, and motivated by a sense of purpose,” she said.

“Years later,” she continued, “I realized that pace was weighing on me and I needed to reassess my priorities for the season I was in and pivot. I refocused my time on being a better leader and building a legacy I could be proud of. Once I had kids, I realized I couldn’t do it all. And that I needed to make tough choices about how I invested my time. I said no more. I set boundaries. My friendships changed.”

At this point, I could feel the pain, re-echoed so quite often. The echo and tough choices that women always have to make.

Ariel thereafter took a six-month break to just BE with her newborn and she also volunteered at her church. Along the way, she learned that work-life balance is not as simple to achieve as the term may suggest. She concluded that “ultimately, achieving true “balance” was up to me to own.”

Hopefully, someone will learn from her through this post. Ariel did not hide the pain she went through during the journey. “It’s hard,” she said, “and I’m still figuring it out.” And for the rainbow after the thunderous heavy downpour, she concludes that she, “love the mindset of carefully choosing the most important pieces to craft the kind of life you want to live.”

The Hardest Is Deciding What Not To Be Involved In

Sunny also so much love the shared perspective. For her, she has learned that having the courage to say “no” to things and deciding what not to be involved in or spend time on has been the hardest. “There is a feeling of being judged or not feeling like you’re doing enough. But, at the end of the day, I’m learning to focus on the things that truly matter to me and my family, and how we can all help contribute to a better society,” she wrote.

“So dear friends, find the elements of your own worklife puzzle, and fix the jigsaw.”

Whatever we want to do, it is up to us as individuals to act. But not to go on naive, we need to know that there is going to be pain and joy to face. For example, some have chosen not to have children because they are afraid, not knowing how to reconcile parenting with professional life. This possibly is not a fantastic choice for some others, since “family” is a great part of life for them.

We all, therefore, have a great challenge, as those charting the narrative of this generation, to find a way to reconcile all the pieces of the puzzle in our lives. So that despite the odds loaded up so high against us, we can still ensure we have a prosperous and healthy life.

Find Your Own Life Puzzle

So dear friends, find the elements of your own worklife puzzle, and fix the jigsaw. Time is a very unique resource. It is the one and the only resource that is divided equally between rich and poor, young and old. And we are all given enough for each person’s worklife crafting to be done. So, from now on, your whole life living, the rest of your worklife puzzle is up to you!

I carefully choose the most important pieces to craft the kind of life I want to live, and everything else stays on the table.

Priority is key. Be thoughtful about what matters most, and be ruthless about everything else. You do not need to make trade-offs. But you have to make choices. And after you have made your choices, live in peace with them until the time comes to make new choices. Happy worklife crafting!


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Welcome to Worklife Feed articles and site-files indexing and adaptation series.

Work-Family Balance Was Tough. Then The Pandemic Hit.

Work-Family Balance Was Never Easy. Then the Pandemic Hit.

The pandemic-induced shutdown has showed us, among other lessons, how hard it really is to juggle work-family balance.

Christians Jeff and André Shinabarger started wondering about this tension long before the pandemic. “We say oftentimes that if we change the world and lose our family, we lose,” Jeff said. “And that starts with my relationship with André, our individual relationship, and how that impacts the rest of our family.”

The career on a road trip

Over two years ago, the Shinabargers—husband Jeff, the founder of startup network Plywood People and wife André, a physician’s assistant—launched a podcast called Love or Work. They were interviewing couples and relationship experts about marriage, family, purpose, work-life balance and how they are prioritizing their vocations and their marriages.

Now Jeff and André have co-authored Love or Work: Is It Possible to Change the World, Stay in Love & Raise a Healthy Family?

The Shinabargers recently spoke from their home in Atlanta with author Dorcas Cheng-Tozun. They discussed how Christians might think through the tension around work, ambition, relationships, and parenting during these unusual times.

Recommended: SARAH BORIS ON WHY WE ALL NEED TO TAKE STEPS BACK FROM WORK

In the book you address head-on that managing work-family balance is much harder for women. What would you say to women who are really struggling to have it all?

André: We wrote this book before COVID. And now, we’re like, “Oh, it’s even more important.” The tension was real before COVID, and now the tension is exponentially more real. If anyone feels it, it’s the working mom, and especially, the single working mom.

In our research, it was pretty evident that men did not sacrifice their work for their partner as much as women sacrificed for men. As we’re seeing with COVID, all of a sudden, all the childcare responsibilities seem to automatically get delegated to the woman.

I get that we often birthed the child out of our bodies, but the kid belongs to both of us. The male, the person you’re partnering with, has just as much responsibility for the childcare and for what happens to these kids than the woman.

“It’s hard for me to see that women are the ones who are going to pull out of the workforce.”

If it was a true partnership, men would be just as likely to pull out of the workforce as women.

Jeff and I talk a lot about moving from patriarchy to partnership. Having the viewpoint that whatever works best for your family, is what should be done.

What statistic in your research most surprised you?

André: The first is that people are so optimistic. 95 percent of people believe that you can do it all. You can both work, have a healthy family, and stay in love. 83 percent of couples say that working has made them better parents.

I thought that was really interesting too because oftentimes I think I’m not the best parent because I’m out working. I feel guilty or somewhat discouraged that I’m not with my kids more.

“It was interesting to see that the things we are sacrificing are our physical, spiritual, mental, emotional health. We’re going after it, we’re doing it all, and then we’re needing to sacrifice. We’re sacrificing ourselves, really.”

Yet there are also so many that say they’re exhausted, they’re tired, they feel overwhelmed. They aren’t able to really stay healthy.

Only 29 percent say they’re satisfied with their physical health, and 21 percent with their financial security. These are dual-income couples.

How has your faith affected the way you’ve pursued all these things together—marriage, family, and work?

Jeff: Both of us have a deep perspective that we were made to do things unique, and that is part of our calling. What’s interesting is that, pieces of our past would say that only one of our callings is most important.

And that is not true with what we believe related to our faith. How we were made, designed, and created. What’s interesting is that, if I believe those things for me and I believe those things for André, then it’s shaped how we live, not just how I live.

We’ve had to have some interesting conversations about how we were raised in our faith, and what our faith is today. Those have been constants for us—how we’re made, what our sense of work and calling includes, and how that has played out in our partnership.

Coming from an evangelical background, I can sometimes think it’s wrong or selfish to want it all. It’s like I have a voice inside of me saying, I should just be content with what I have. I shouldn’t strive so hard to have so much.

A ‘stronger’ half to work, a ‘better’ half to sacrifice work out of love or it’s just the voice of patriarchies past

André: Our faith has affected the way we’ve pursued all these things together—marriage, family, and work? And I agree with this one hundred percent. That is something that we as women who have been raised in the church have often felt. It’s been modeled for us.

We haven’t been able to speak in the churches. We haven’t been able to be pastors. We’ve been relegated to childcare and hospitality ministries. When that is your model, then what do you think that you’re supposed to do as you get older?

I think it’s so limiting to the fullness of what God has created for women to be and do. We’re limiting the gifts that we have, that God has given us as women. We are doing this by just holding onto these patriarchal viewpoints that the church has taught us throughout history.

I’m just not for it anymore.

I can’t imagine a God that would hold me back and say you’re not quite good enough for that. I don’t believe it.

Quite frankly, I think God wants the fullness of us to be lived. We never question a man if he has these huge dreams and passions, and wants to live them out. We never question him and ask if that’s selfish. But we definitely do that for women.

Jeff: Sometimes we think that voice is the right voice. We think that’s God. If André said that to me, I would tell her, “Don’t let the voice of patriarchies past define or minimize your purpose of the future.”

That is the not the voice of fear that our family will listen to going forward.

We are collectively in a really difficult season right now. Most couples I know, especially if they have young kids, are overstretched. Many families are struggling significantly with financial stress and isolation. What encouragement can you give to couples during this season?

Jeff: This is an unusual time. It’s a time that hopefully as a family we’ll all remember as uniquely different. We’ve spent more time as a close nuclear family than we may ever in our lives.

Accepting that as the new reality and enjoying the time together is the opportunity. That’s the beautiful side of it. I’ve talked to many families who feel closer than they ever have, to the people that they should be closest to.

I also would say that if you haven’t addressed things in your relationship with your partner, a lot of that stuff will come out during this time. And it can make thing very difficult.

One thing we learned through our research was that we each individually need time on our own, and we need time together.

In the midst of the pandemic, we also need to get creative, and figure out what a little date night can look like. When we do, we are reminded of how much we love each other.

Now that you’ve completed all your research and written your book, how would you answer the question in your subtitle – Is it Possible to Change the World, Stay in Love & Raise a Healthy Family – have a work-family balance?

Jeff: I do believe it’s possible. And I think it’s really hard. The only way it can work for us is if we’re on the same team and are for one another.

In order for us to both do this, we both have to give up things at times to be able to maintain it all. And we have both given up opportunities at times for the sake of the other.

It is one of the things that came out in our research. We would ask all these people this question at the end of our podcast – is it possible to change the world, stay in love & raise a healthy family – have a work-family balance?

Again, 95 percent of the people said, “Yes, it’s possible.” And then they would all say, “But…” And they would have some caveat they would add —every single one of them. So that was this commonality we saw. A lot of things have to work together, and you have to work together with the person you love to make it happen.

Dorcas Cheng-Tozun is an award-winning writer, editor, and international communications consultant. She is the editorial director of the new Reclaim Magazine and the author of Start, Love, Repeat: How to Stay in Love with Your Entrepreneur in a Crazy Start-up World. Also, author of Let There d.light: How One Social Enterprise Brought Solar Products to 100 Million People. Dorcas Cheng-Tozun, has also written about the unique dynamics around faith, calling, and marriage. Connect with her on Facebook or Instagram.

Myfwl/Work Life Feed re-adapted the write up for our readers. Click here to view the full original write up at www.christianitytoday.com

Check this out, Strategy To Manage Kids While Working From Home