Tag Archives: infidelity

How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How do you redeem your broken marriage? Please note that no marital problem is bigger than another. But what if yours is battling pornography and infidelity?

Your relationship is in good condition, but you want things to be better. And surely your marriage can be better. This article is about a loving couple who seems to have a perfect marriage. But there were hidden issues below the surface that really threatens to tear their family apart. This particular topic, how to redeem your broken marriage is related to pornographic addictions; but can it be so true that a high percentage of men struggle with this issue?

“The most dangerous inadequacies and ‘fault-lines’ in our life are the ones that we think are anonymous.

If there is a hidden ‘fault-line’ that you are struggling with as a couple, just take it out from under the table and put it on top of the table. Definitely, it will require a lot of courage and grit, but the reward is huge for the entire family. Just like the experience of the couple, Dave and Kirsten Samuel whose story is to be shared here.

A Fabulous Marriage And Then A Niggling ‘Fault-line’ Showed Up

Happily married for 25 years and with 3 grown children. But ironically, they did not know each other. Comfortably just launching into empty nest years, they thought they have an absolute, fabulous marriage. And to them, sure they did. “To some degree we did. We never fought, and we always got along,” says Kirsten.

“We did love each other,” Dave chipped in. “And we were committed to each other… but the ‘fault-line’ that was niggling at me, that was under the skin for years, just kept raising its ugly head. The internet provided easy access to information that should not be.”

Then one day the whole bubble busted. Dave came home one night, and the signs were all over him. He went into the bedroom after dinner and Kirsten followed later.

The peace in the family was shattered with what came out of Dave’s mouth, “it is very likely I won’t have a job tomorrow.”

“Why?” Kirsten asked.

Dave replied, “because of a moral failure.”

Kirsten knee just gave way.

He Exchanged Me For Pornography

Kirsten recollect that when she heard him, she went through a range of emotions, from disbelief to ‘how dare you?’ Then followed by anger. “You couldn’t have struck a knife in my heart any harder than that, knowing that he exchanged me for pornography. I went between shock, anger, disbelief, and resentment. I don’t know you, I don’t want to be near you. It was like, who is this guy? This is not the guy I thought I married,” she said.

“The question that was posed to me was, what was it worth to me for my wife to be healed?”

“We need help,” she continued. And the first people she could think about, became their restoration team.

The Childhood Wounds That I Did Not Deal With Erupted

Then something opened up in her. The wounds she had been hiding for many years when she was abused. Kirsten recollect that she had never dealt with it when it happened to her since she was nine years old. “It reminds me, you don’t have any value, you don’t worth anything, you are unseen, unlovable, not pretty enough, not smart enough, that I do not matter. And since you traded me with pornography, therefore I don’t matter.”

“I love your dad because love is an act of the will. It is not an emotion.”

They reached out to their children and the son asked her the question, “mum, do you love my dad?”

That touched her and brought out a deep reflection. “Honestly, I love your dad because love is an act of the will. It is not an emotion. But right now, I can’t stand him. I don’t like him at all. But I love him because I made him a commitment in my wedding vows,” she said.

In the midst of the painful betrayal, a truth cannot be hidden as she thought of Dave’s performance on their wedding vow. “Dave kept forsaking all others – no he did not keep that one. I got upset about that. But I was guilty. I couldn’t throw a dirt at him, I was just as guilty.”

Take a listen, Part 1 – How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How It All Started With Pornography

Dave’s side of the story is also intriguing. “I was exposed to pornography probably when I was five or six years old by a neighbor’s friend”, he started. “One of those things … ‘hey, check out this magazine’. As a military family, we moved around all the time. I did not have a lot of friends that had a lot of history. That fed my insecurity of being a boy that wasn’t into sport. But I was more attracted to the art and music. I had more of a sensitive temperament, and I didn’t seem to fit in with my guy friends in school.”

At this point, it is time to grab the edge of the chair as Dave continued his story. “Pornography was my medication of choice when I felt insecure, scared and freighted. Like going to a new school for the first time, it was hard for me.”

“For most people when I ask them if they have a good friend, especially men, they say, no. How can you then find a team to help you?”

Dave went on to narrate his journey into the dark world of pornography. How before the internet it was pretty much hard to have access because it was pretty much controlled. This shielded the first part of their marriage from the horrid effect of pornography, and the marriage was therefore great. But around the time that the internet started getting into the homes, it really became a struggle for him. The access was there, the anonymity was there, the secrecy was there; all those things that can fuel addiction because one could get away with it.

Rescue Support System – Parents, Friends and Counsellors

“You have got to talk about it with the kids”, Kirsten said.

Dave remembered how conversation about similar sensitive topic was handled while he was growing up. Rather than the issue been faced headlong, adults retorting to anecdote. He counselled that parents should face the elephant in the room. Don’t tell kids that, “the birds can fly over your head but you don’t have to let the birds make a nest in your hair.” It communicates nothing and provides no real help to a struggling young man.

From the perspective of the show host, for most people when he ask them if they have a good friend, especially men, they say, no. “How can you then find a team to help you?” he queried.

“I had people that I know, but Dave was not comfortable with them. And he had people that he knew, and I was not comfortable with them,” explained Kirsten. “We struggled to come up with three couples who could help us as our restoration team, to work out a recovery plan that we had to come up with. And that is most people’s dilemma,” she said.

“What I was struggling with in the addiction was low self esteem.”

The show host then ask Kirsten a question, “Have you ever or are you considering taking your own life?” She was startled. “No, why would you ask me that,” she responded.

The host then said, “you have suicidal depression. You have PTSD and anxiety disorder and you need to get help now. You need to get on medication and if you don’t, I will put you in the hospital.” For Kirsten, the ground might as well have opened up and swallow her whole.

He was accurate.

Take a listen, Part 2 – How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

The Book: Choosing a Way Out

Amazon Extract

“Because of a moral failure, that’s why.”

When Kirsten Samuel heard this confession from her Christian husband it took her breath away. Yet, she would realize her husband’s sin exposed the hidden deception in her own life. This uninvited crisis proved to be the beginning of her personal healing.

Kirsten writes that for most of her adult life she believed: She wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or rich enough, or talented enough, or whatever enough. She felt invisible and forgettable.

In these pages of the book, you’ll encounter raw honesty and see a clear path through the pain. You’ll see no depression is too dark and no lie too big. And discover a powerful process, where you exchange isolation for accountability and deception for deliverance. Choose a way out, even in the bleakest of circumstances. God is greater than your pain.

A Dark Spot From My 9 Year Old Past Life

The ghost was let out when Kirsten started her story, “I have been hiding since my abuse. I was stalked at nine year old and was physically attacked by someone I knew and trusted. Though I was able to escape from that attack, I never told any body. The person I told was Dave before we got married. But I brushed it off. I said I was fine. Nothing happened. But emotionally, I was stuck at nine. I was ignoring it, and shutting it down.”

She said going through this can make one, a tough girl, a promiscuous girl or the good girl. She said she was in between the tough and the good girl. Fixing every other people around her to make sure they were happy.

“There was something in my attacker that made him did what he did. And when he died, I grieved”, she concluded.


Focus on The Family

Visit Focus on the Family, get more episode resources on how to redeem your broken marriage.

Get Kirsten’s book “Choosing a Way Out” to know how they redeem their broken marriage. And you can get a copy of the book for your donation of any amount @ https://donate.focusonthefamily.com/don-daily-broadcast-product-2020-11-04

Visit Dave and Kirsten Samuel website for additional resources.

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Welcome to Worklife Feed articles and site-files indexing and adaptation series.

What To Do If Your Main Squeeze Puts Work Before Your Relationship

What To Do If Your Main Squeeze Puts Work Before Your Relationship

It is not about infidelity, but it is lonely when the one you love most puts work before your relationship. If you are considering what to do if your main squeeze is putting work before your relationship, take a deep breath. In this article, you will be presented with suggestive steps that you can take.

Your main squeeze could have failed to appear at family gatherings too many times because of work. At other times, she may have promised to spend more time with you and not delivered because work comes first.

But has he said, “I’ll quit tomorrow,” but tomorrow never comes? Or has she stood you up or kept you waiting because of work? If you answered yes to these questions, your partner may be suffering from work addiction.

What To Do If Your Main Squeeze Is Wedded To Work

Kate’s work obsession became like a weekend lover.

She lied to her family so she could rendezvous with work at the office: “I’d tell my family I was going shopping on a Saturday and I’d end up in my office working. Or I’d tell them I was going to my girlfriend’s house. After calling my girlfriend’s and not finding me, they’d call the office and say, ‘I thought you were going to Dottie’s.’ I felt like I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.”

Recommended: Work Infidelity Sabotages Careers And Love Relationship

If you’re the mate of a workaholic, like Jena, you probably feel alone as a partner and parent, as if you’ve been left with the responsibility of holding the family together.

You feel unimportant and minimized, even innately defective, because you get so little attention from your partner. You might even harbor feelings of anger, resentment, sadness, and guilt.

Or you may live under a distinct set of unwritten and unspoken rules. Rules dictated by your mate’s work habits: Handle everything at home. Don’t expect anything from me, because I have enough on my plate at work. Put me at the center of your life and plan the household and family and social life around my work schedule. I’m depending on you to do your best, be perfect, and not let me down.

Click to read: What To Do If Your Main Squeeze Puts Work Before Your Relationship

Source: Forbes

Worklife Frustration, Desperation, And Wrong Steps

WORKLIFE FRUSTRATION, DESPERATION, AND WRONG STEPS

At a tender age, I took over the family corporate business empire from my dad, that was at twenty years of age. Jeruslab Incorporated has been a great success, and I was CEO at the global headquarter for sixteen years. That was after I had my education at the best schools you could think of. Before then, I did not know any worklife frustration, desperation or any thing of such.

I did not however follow in the footsteps of the great CEO’s before me.

Ignorantly, everyone thought I was expanding the business empire and increasing our wealth. Preparing the ground for the next generation. However, wrong steps happen at every level of life and leadership.

Worklife Frustration And Desperation Happen To All

Once the crisis started, Jeruslab incorporated competitors swarmed us. Alternative products poured into the market segments that we have dominated for decades. Our dominance was challenged. It was initially difficult to understand what was going on.

The Arameans defeated us, one contract bid after another. They then head hunted many of our top talents, and big percentage left with our trade secrets and know how.

What amazed me most was the battle from within. It came from one of our former subsidiary companies that has gone to be an independent company of its own.

They launched a ferocious and direct advertisement campaign against my reputation. This inflicted a heavy damage on the value of the companies shares on the stock exchanges.

Take a Listen: BBC Hard Talk – Stephen Sackur’s Interview With Rob Schenck

Depression set in for me. The unfolding worklife desperation and frustration made sleep to depart from me. Anxiety cannot lay with sleep, not even on the most expensive bed, or any lavishly furnished room you can think of. Desperation made me to take more wrong steps.

A Danger Spiraling Out Of Control – Work-Life To Death-Life

In one day, several government agencies raided our offices across major cities all over the world. Frantically, Jeruslab employees were shredding and burning company papers to hide information from the authorities. Others were making a run to escape arrest, and a few jumped from the high rise building that accommodated one of our offices in Asia.

By the end of the week, several arrest had been made – wives, sons and daughters of my senior managers and directors in Europe had been taken into police custody for interrogation.

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Nightmares do happen during day time, it happened to me when hackers started another war front. Bitcoin, hidden foreign reserves, gold reserves and all forms of investments stashed away from the preying eyes of the tax authorities were exposed and plundered.

Not a joke taken too far, but I got a message from the hackers.

“Take heart, because it is the God of your ancestors that is angry with you, he gave you into our hands. However we have done more damage than we should in our usual greed. We’re sorry and cannot continue, we are also harming our own community and going against our interest, code and relationships. Our group cannot take your loot as looters.”

There was a sense of relief. But worklife frustration, desperation and anger had already overtaken me.

Seeking Help From Enemy Foreign Government

The presidential election was coming close. I wanted to take revenge, create an upset and fight back.

Rodsia was a willing tool. The Shinomites had attacked Bathington and carried away patents, high value data and innovations. I was humbled. My country was humbled among the nations. Things seems to be in disarray.

The president of Rodsia finally took my call. But he gave me trouble instead of help. Frustrated the more, I sold off my core investments in major corporations in Rodsia. I presented them to the president of Rodsia, but that did not help me.

Wrong Way to Respond In Trouble – Don’t Become Belligerent Or Unfaithful

Faith in my strength, invincibility and accomplishments faded. The century old organization that my ancestors have built was crumbling in my hands.

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I offered the president of the Republic of He-Ran to sell their export goods and provide urgently required imports. This is to alleviate the economic embargo and blockages that the country was under because of their supposedly investment in nuclear energy and missiles.

My assumption is that, if I He-Ran can survive in the midst of the global sanctions, maybe I can learn a few tricks from them. I was willing to learn even from the devil to survive.

The calculation is that there must be tactics and strategies that they have adopted, which if I can follow, they can also take me out of my present predicaments.

This also became my downfall and the downfall of Jeruslab. I cannot go into details, but it did not work out.

We then gathered all the remaining last pieces of wealth that we have. We repackaged them into small separate companies. Our thought was that if Jeruslab falls completely, the smaller companies may survive. We scattered the companies into different countries under different ownership. Bribing our way to form dubious alliances with locals wherever there was opposition.

Worklife Frustration, And Desperation Are Not False Alarms But Wake Up Calls

Sitting idly one night, I wondered, where did I get it wrong? My parents did well during their own time. Did I take inspirations and learnings from my own generation and did not follow the precepts that I was taught from my youth? I failed, it was failure from the top. And with that, I spread despondency that was felt on the streets and in the lives of those that were close to me.

Being so blinded by my fights and battles, I did not realize that other companies were also suffering similar challenges. And some others were growing in exponential proportion and having a good ride. Releasing perfect products one after another, especially, during a time when we are all in locked down, and have to work from home.

Worklife Without Discretion Is Worse Than Torture

Steven J. Cole said life consists of a series of choices, and I agree with him. He shared many thoughts, but the following story caught my attention.

The story started with a fourteenth century duke named Raynald III, in what is now Belgium. Raynald III had a violent quarrel with his younger brother, Edward, who then led a successful revolt against him. Edward captured Raynald, but didn’t kill him. Instead, he built a room in his brother’s castle, and kept him there. Edward then promised Raynald that he could regain his title and property as soon as he was able to leave the room.

Of course, this shouldn’t have been difficult for the average person. The room had several windows and a door of near-normal size, and none was locked or barred. The problem was Raynald’s size: he was grossly overweight.

For Raynald to regain his freedom, he had to lose weight, by choice.

Not Everything That Does Not Kill You, Will Make You Stronger

But Edward knew his older brother, and each day he sent him a variety of delicious foods. Remember the story of the monkey that holds a peanut inside a jar. The choice is simple, hold on to the peanut and continue to be held captive – a prisoner to choice. Or release the peanut and be free.

Instead of dieting his way out of prison by resisting those tempting foods, Raynald grew fatter. When Duke Edward was later accused of cruelty, his reply was, “My brother is not a prisoner. He may leave when he so wills.”

But, of course, his brother was a prisoner – of his own appetite. He stayed in that room for ten years and wasn’t released until Edward died in battle. By then his health was so ruined that he died within a year (adapted from Leadership [Spring, 1984], p. 44).

In reminiscing on this tory, Steven J. Cole said that there is in every human heart, a perverse and powerful attraction for that which you know cognitively will destroy you. Like bugs drawn toward a light that will kill them, humans are drawn toward the evil that will enslave and ultimately ruin them.

The Worklife Choices Of Before Or After

There was absolutely no need for the wrong steps that I have taken. An adversary could have charmed me, and rebellion may have encouraged me. But I made the choices and decisions. The wrong steps were not forced on me, it was desperation that made them look like great solutions.

The lessons of life are hard and brutal. It only takes a few steps, and a continuation in those wrong steps, for any one to go further down and out. When we experience worklife frustration or desperation, we still have choices. We still have the power to make right decisions and avoid taking wrong steps.

For those interested in a similar story: 2 Chronicles 28: 1-27; 2 Kings 16: 1-20; Isaiah 7: 1-25

McDonald’s Says Terms Of Former CEO’s Separation Based On Fraudulent Statements

MCDONALD'S SAYS TERMS OF FORMER CEO'S SEPARATION BASED ON FRAUDULENT STATEMENTS

FILE PHOTO: The logo of a McDonald’s Corp restaurant is seen in Los Angeles, California, U.S. October 24, 2017. REUTERS/Lucy Nicholson

(Reuters) – McDonald’s Corp said on Monday former Chief Executive Steve Easterbrook’s motion against the company should be dismissed, reiterating that the terms of his separation from the company were based on fraudulent statements.

Easterbrook responded on Aug. 14 to McDonald’s lawsuit, which claimed that the former CEO had covered up and lied about sexual relationships with at least three employees while negotiating his severance package.

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McDonald’s said in a filing on Monday that it had dismissed Easterbrook based on his denial of having had a sexual relationship with any other employee and the absence of contradictory evidence on his phone.

In his response to McDonald’s lawsuit, Easterbrook had claimed that the company had information about his relationships when it negotiated his severance package, adding that he deleted evidence from his company phone, but the evidence remained in the company e-mail account stored on the firm’s servers.

“When McDonald’s investigated, Steve Easterbrook lied. He violated the company’s policies, disrespected its values, and abused the trust of his co-workers, the Board, our franchisees, and our shareholders,” a company spokesman said on Monday.

Ending A No Sex Emotional Affair And It’s Roller Coaster

How To End An Emotional Affair

stock photo ID: 1152948911/ The Good Men Project/ Ending A No Sex Emotional Affair And It’s Roller Coaster

Infidelity is an action that many will say is indefensible, but when people think of cheating, they tend to imagine a married person sleeping with someone outside their marriage. It’s usually a physical act. However, what happens when a married person has a deep, emotional connection to someone outside the marriage? This can be known as an emotional affair.
In this post, we will look at what an emotional affair is and how you can end it.

Ending A No Sex Emotional Affair: Emotional Affair Vs. Friendship

An emotional affair isn’t people who are good friends. Some people may just have a good friendship and aren’t in an emotional affair at all. Here’s how to tell the difference.

See, Falwell Marketplace Faith And Evangelicals Theology

Secrecy

You usually don’t keep your friendship with someone a secret to your spouse. If you’re afraid to tell your spouse about the “friendship,” it may be an emotional affair. You usually tell your spouse if you’re hanging out with a friend. You may even bring your spouse with them. However, you won’t do the same with someone you are having an ’emotional affair’ with.

There’s a Sexual Attraction

When it comes to emotional affairs, you know you’re in one if there’s sexual tension between the two of you. You don’t have to be physically intimate with the person for it to be an emotional affair.

You’re Blowing Off Your Spouse for the Person You’re In an Emotional Affair With

If you feel like you’re ignoring your spouse more, and are thinking about the person you’re talking to, you may be in an emotional affair. You’re less intimate with your spouse, and you instead fantasize about that person. You may be less open to your spouse as well, but share your deepest desires with that person.

There’s Tension in Your Marriage

Even if you were just friends at first, an emotional affair can happen if there’s some tension in your marriage. Whether you’re starting to feel distant, argue more, or feel like you can’t talk to your spouse anymore. This can increase the chances of an emotional affair.

Anything That Breaks The Boundaries of Your Marriage

Finally, a sign that it’s an emotional affair is if you’re doing something that breaks the boundaries of your marriage. Every marriage has certain boundaries, with some being laxer and others being more strict. If you’re breaking the boundaries, you’re having an emotional affair.

Why It’s Bad

While you aren’t physically cheating with someone, an emotional affair is still infidelity. It’s often the beginning of physical cheating as well. When there is sexual tension between two people, it doesn’t take long before the line gets crossed.

Steps to Ending a No Sex Emotional Affair

How to End It: Now, let’s talk about ending an emotional affair. If you’re in an emotional affair and you realize it, you may wonder how you can walk it back before disaster strikes. Here are some ways you can do this.

Cut Out Contact With the Person

If you’re having an emotional affair with a person, it’s best that you stop talking to them. This isn’t to say that you can’t be friends when the feelings go away, but for now, it’s best that you end the friendship. It can be difficult to go back to being “just friends” when intense emotions have happened.

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Some people cut out all contact, while others may talk to the person one last time to explain what’s going on. Depending on your situation, one may be better than the other. Most people will prefer there to be some closure, as ghosting can hurt a person. But if you feel like you can’t confront them in person, you may just want to stop talking to them altogether, or message them and then block.

Take Some Responsibility in Ending a No Sex Emotional Affair

It’s important to admit that you messed up. We are all human, and we’re not saying you should self-flagellate, but coming clean is a noble move. In many cases, taking responsibility may come in the form of telling your spouse.

Of course, telling your spouse can be a challenge. One way you can solve this is to;

Go For Marriage Counseling

If the reason the emotional affair happened in the first place was because of issues in marriages, then consider talking to a counselor. You may do it individually as well, but one of the smartest decisions may be to bring both you and your spouse in, and see how you can repair your marriage.

As mentioned, marriage counseling can also be a good way for you to come clean about the emotional affair. Doing it outside of counseling can be a dangerous move, as emotions can run high. It can often spell the end of the marriage. However, a counselor’s office is a much safer environment to admit to it.

Think About Why the Affair Happened

This is a good thing to discuss with the counselor and your spouse. Why did the emotional affair happen to begin with? Is it because the person had something the marriage was missing? Was it due to recent issues in the marriage? Figuring out the exact reason behind it can help both you and the spouse repair your marriage.

If The Marriage Wasn’t Meant to Be

There are some cases where your marriage or relationship is falling apart, and it may be better to try to be in a relationship with the person you’re talking to. In a case like this, don’t play any games. Instead, end the relationship and go from there. Don’t commit infidelity and keep being in the relationship while you’re talking to someone else.

Of course, this is also something that you should think a long time about. Sometimes, you may just be lovestruck by someone and they may not be good marriage material. Even if you think you want to leave your spouse, marriage counseling is something you should still seek out.

Final Thoughts On Ending a No Sex Emotional Affair

An emotional affair isn’t as severe as one that’s physical, but it should still be cut out from your life in most cases.

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Myfwl/Worklife Feed has reprinted this article in full. Thanks to the good job done by Marie Miguel in the original article featured in the goodmenproject.com. On this basis, and a show of our support for the work of The Good Men Project, and BetterHelp.com, we are showcasing the profile below.

Note that despite our support, we take no responsibility for the activities of the organisations.

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About BetterHelp/Marie Miguel’s Column In The Good Men Project

In this column, you will find articles on the therapeutic process, overcoming mental illness stigma, achieving wellness through a healthy lifestyle and much more. BetterHelp shares these crucial pieces of information with you at The Good Men Project because they believe in your ability to have the best mental health that you can achieve.

What better way to get to your goal than by reading about common issues that other people are facing? The number one reason that BetterHelp has been successful is due to people like you who want to learn more about how to get and stay mentally healthy. Read the stories and take away the knowledge that wellness and healing are possible.

Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health-related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.

About BetterHelp

BetterHelp is the world’s largest e-counseling platform.

The American Psychological Association, ABC, The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic have recognized BetterHelp for excellence in the field. Their unrelenting goal is to make counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient.

Life is full of unexpected challenges, and the counselors at BetterHelp are fully aware of this.

That’s why they want to provide the best support and guidance they can to their clients. They are passionate about their roles and demonstrate this in the unconditional support they have for their clients. The remarkably skilled therapists and counselors at BetterHelp have completed an astounding 27,559,459 sessions, helping clients with a variety of mental health issues ranging from depression to Borderline Personality Disorder.

These dedicated mental health professionals want to provide excellent therapeutic care to anyone who is searching for it. They believe that anyone can get help, anytime, anywhere.

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Work Infidelity Sabotages Careers And Love Relationship

‘Work Infidelity’: An Insidious Obstacle That Sabotages Careers And Intimate Relationships

Work Infidelity Sabotages/ Being in an intimate relationship with a workaholic can lead to work infidelity.

Original write up in Forbes was by Bryan Robinson, a contributor to Forbes.

Has your spouse or intimate partner failed to appear at family gatherings too many times because of work? ‘Work infidelity’ is an insidious obstacle that sabotages careers and intimate relationships. No doubt, it can put you in the eye of betrayal?

Probe on and see how far down the road this affair may have gone for you.

“I feel so lonely. You’re here in this house and I feel so lonely.’ At the same time he was saying that, I felt lonely, too. Work was what was filling me up. He wanted me to fill him up, and I couldn’t.”

Has she promised to spend more time with you and not delivered because work comes first? Has he said, “I’ll quit tomorrow,” but tomorrow never comes? Or has she stood you up or kept you waiting because of work?

If you answered yes to these questions, you might be suffering from the effects of work infidelity.

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Put Me At The Center Of Your Life And Plan – Be Warned, Work Infidelity Sabotages

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Getting the right attention is one easy way to know the level of commitment that you have from your partner. There are emotional responses that comes out when work infidelity sabotages. Do you feel cheated on, or alone with the responsibility of holding the relationship together?

Treated as being unimportant or minimized is not the same as feeling so. You need to separate how you feel – an interpretation of different actions – from what the real action is.

“Or I’d tell them I was going to my girlfriend’s house. After calling my girlfriend’s and not finding me, they’d call the office and say, ‘I thought you were going to Dottie’s.’”

Whether it is the actual action or how you feel, you might begin to harbor anger, resentment, sadness or guilt. Crying inwardly to be put back at the center of your partner’s life and plan. Definitely not behind everything else around work schedule.

Married To The Job

There was a time when I needed my work and had to hide it from others. The same way my alcoholic father needed and hid his bourbon. Am at the receiving end of what I tried to do for my father. I once tried to control his drinking by pouring out his booze and refilling the bottle with vinegar. Now, the people who loved me sulked, pleads and tore their hair out trying to keep me. Pleading that I spend time with them, away from work.

Every summer, just before we left on vacation, my spouse would search my bags. Mission, to confiscate any work I planned to smuggle into our rented beach house on the South Carolina shore.

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What a crooked work infidelity expert that I am. Jamey’s search would always miss the tightly folded papers covered with work notes, stuffed into the pockets of my jeans.

‘Come, let us stroll on the beach’ Jamey and our close friends will call out.

‘I have got another relationship to nurture’ I will reply.

Not in those words of course. I will usually say that I was tired and wanted to nap.

Hiding A Work Affair – Postponing Work Infidelity Sabotages

Jamey and our close friends don’t put life on hold, they go off, swimming and playing in the surf, a big relationship builder. Unfortunately, what I considered a big waste of time. Crooked work infidelity expert will secretly work in the empty house, bent over a lap desk, fashioned from a board.

At the sound of their returning footsteps, I will stuff my papers back into my jeans. Hide the board, and stretch out on the bed. Pretending to be asleep.

At the time, I saw nothing strange about my behavior. It is only in hindsight that I see it differently, and coined it as work infidelity. The concealment and deceit of work projects, especially after loved ones put their foot down in order to deal with stress. By this, I mean, something quite different from saying that I worked hard.

Work infidelity defended me against unwelcome emotional states. Modulating anxiety, sadness, and frustration, the way a pothead uses dope and an alcoholic uses booze. This is my own way to get my fix. And I am not alone. But it is essential to create a ‘no-work’ buffer to guard against work, creating after-hours work tension.

Romancing The Grindstone

Sometimes, partners feel jealous, even suspicious that their mate is having an affair. This comes from the long and late hours he or she spends away from home. You’ve probably heard the old adage, that some people are “wedded to their work.” If you suffer from work infidelity, you don’t tolerate obstacles to working.

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Case in point, Mildred committed work infidelity to deal with the stress and anxiety caused by her husband’s expectation that she be home with him by 5:00 p.m.

She told him she’d enrolled in an aerobics class after work. Her husband was thrilled that she was finally taking an interest in activities outside work.

But the truth was that, Mildred was working two hours overtime. She changes in her office from business outfit to aerobic garb. Tousling her hair and dampening her tights with water, all to convince her husband that she was coming around.

Follow The Worker Soaked in Infidelity – You Will Follow The Money

Work infidelity causes projects to go everywhere the worker goes, regardless of what family or friends say. Don’t laugh, check briefcases or luggage, under car seats, in glove compartments, in car trunks, beneath spare tires, or in dirty laundry bags. Fight-back fantastic ideas comes up, which also get it more interesting when it is stuffed inside pants or a skirt.

Catch in infidelity, and they will find an excuse. To avoid being caught, I try harder to even avoid an excuse. Work projects then get hidden in a secret compartment of another person’s suitcase, unknown to that person.

Once workaholics start bootlegging their work compulsions, you might as well admit it: they’re desperate. They must get their fix at all costs. Even if it means being deceitful and dishonest, even if it hurts the ones they love the most.

Concealing Work Love Relationship

Elizabeth confessed: “I remember my ex-husband saying to me, ‘I feel so lonely. You’re here in this house and I feel so lonely.’ At the same time he was saying that, I felt lonely, too. Work was what was filling me up. He wanted me to fill him up, and I couldn’t.”

If your partner is like most people suffering from work infidelity, she will cave in to your demands. This is a strategy to conceal work by pleasing you and avoid criticisms. Much like alcoholics who hide beer bottles.

Kate’s work projects became her weekend lover. She lied to her family so she could rendezvous with work at the office.

“I’d tell my family I was going shopping on a Saturday and I’d end up in my office working. Or I’d tell them I was going to my girlfriend’s house. After calling my girlfriend’s and not finding me, they’d call the office and say, ‘I thought you were going to Dottie’s.’ I felt like I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.”

In his book Working, Studs Terkel described how the broadcast executive Ward Quaal concealed his working from his family. “Although I don’t go to the office on Saturday or Sunday, I do have mail brought out to my home for the weekend. I dictate on Saturday and Sunday. When I do this on holidays like Christmas, New Year’s and Thanksgiving, I have to sneak a little bit, so the family doesn’t know what I’m doing.”

Work Infidelity Sabotages ‘Til Death Do Us Part

Have you put life on hold because of a mate who suffers from work infidelity? If so, you could be enabling the very behavior you wish to erase from your life. Many partners and spouses build their lives around the work infidelity because they want to feel connected and supportive. That’s natural, right?

But molding your life around this malady only leads to more disappointment and enabling. The key to avoid enabling, when you’re desperate to spend time with your partner, is to stop postponing your life.

If you plan a trip to the zoo with the kids and your spouse cancels (for the umpteenth time) because of last-minute job demands, go without her.

When your main squeeze promises to be home in time for dinner and never shows, consider eating on time without him. And, instead of putting dinner on the table at midnight, let him fix his own meal. Not out of anger, but out of self-care.

Click here to view original web page at www.forbes.com

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