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How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How do you redeem your broken marriage? Please note that no marital problem is bigger than another. But what if yours is battling pornography and infidelity?

Your relationship is in good condition, but you want things to be better. And surely your marriage can be better. This article is about a loving couple who seems to have a perfect marriage. But there were hidden issues below the surface that really threatens to tear their family apart. This particular topic, how to redeem your broken marriage is related to pornographic addictions; but can it be so true that a high percentage of men struggle with this issue?

“The most dangerous inadequacies and ‘fault-lines’ in our life are the ones that we think are anonymous.

If there is a hidden ‘fault-line’ that you are struggling with as a couple, just take it out from under the table and put it on top of the table. Definitely, it will require a lot of courage and grit, but the reward is huge for the entire family. Just like the experience of the couple, Dave and Kirsten Samuel whose story is to be shared here.

A Fabulous Marriage And Then A Niggling ‘Fault-line’ Showed Up

Happily married for 25 years and with 3 grown children. But ironically, they did not know each other. Comfortably just launching into empty nest years, they thought they have an absolute, fabulous marriage. And to them, sure they did. “To some degree we did. We never fought, and we always got along,” says Kirsten.

“We did love each other,” Dave chipped in. “And we were committed to each other… but the ‘fault-line’ that was niggling at me, that was under the skin for years, just kept raising its ugly head. The internet provided easy access to information that should not be.”

Then one day the whole bubble busted. Dave came home one night, and the signs were all over him. He went into the bedroom after dinner and Kirsten followed later.

The peace in the family was shattered with what came out of Dave’s mouth, “it is very likely I won’t have a job tomorrow.”

“Why?” Kirsten asked.

Dave replied, “because of a moral failure.”

Kirsten knee just gave way.

He Exchanged Me For Pornography

Kirsten recollect that when she heard him, she went through a range of emotions, from disbelief to ‘how dare you?’ Then followed by anger. “You couldn’t have struck a knife in my heart any harder than that, knowing that he exchanged me for pornography. I went between shock, anger, disbelief, and resentment. I don’t know you, I don’t want to be near you. It was like, who is this guy? This is not the guy I thought I married,” she said.

“The question that was posed to me was, what was it worth to me for my wife to be healed?”

“We need help,” she continued. And the first people she could think about, became their restoration team.

The Childhood Wounds That I Did Not Deal With Erupted

Then something opened up in her. The wounds she had been hiding for many years when she was abused. Kirsten recollect that she had never dealt with it when it happened to her since she was nine years old. “It reminds me, you don’t have any value, you don’t worth anything, you are unseen, unlovable, not pretty enough, not smart enough, that I do not matter. And since you traded me with pornography, therefore I don’t matter.”

“I love your dad because love is an act of the will. It is not an emotion.”

They reached out to their children and the son asked her the question, “mum, do you love my dad?”

That touched her and brought out a deep reflection. “Honestly, I love your dad because love is an act of the will. It is not an emotion. But right now, I can’t stand him. I don’t like him at all. But I love him because I made him a commitment in my wedding vows,” she said.

In the midst of the painful betrayal, a truth cannot be hidden as she thought of Dave’s performance on their wedding vow. “Dave kept forsaking all others – no he did not keep that one. I got upset about that. But I was guilty. I couldn’t throw a dirt at him, I was just as guilty.”

Take a listen, Part 1 – How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How It All Started With Pornography

Dave’s side of the story is also intriguing. “I was exposed to pornography probably when I was five or six years old by a neighbor’s friend”, he started. “One of those things … ‘hey, check out this magazine’. As a military family, we moved around all the time. I did not have a lot of friends that had a lot of history. That fed my insecurity of being a boy that wasn’t into sport. But I was more attracted to the art and music. I had more of a sensitive temperament, and I didn’t seem to fit in with my guy friends in school.”

At this point, it is time to grab the edge of the chair as Dave continued his story. “Pornography was my medication of choice when I felt insecure, scared and freighted. Like going to a new school for the first time, it was hard for me.”

“For most people when I ask them if they have a good friend, especially men, they say, no. How can you then find a team to help you?”

Dave went on to narrate his journey into the dark world of pornography. How before the internet it was pretty much hard to have access because it was pretty much controlled. This shielded the first part of their marriage from the horrid effect of pornography, and the marriage was therefore great. But around the time that the internet started getting into the homes, it really became a struggle for him. The access was there, the anonymity was there, the secrecy was there; all those things that can fuel addiction because one could get away with it.

Rescue Support System – Parents, Friends and Counsellors

“You have got to talk about it with the kids”, Kirsten said.

Dave remembered how conversation about similar sensitive topic was handled while he was growing up. Rather than the issue been faced headlong, adults retorting to anecdote. He counselled that parents should face the elephant in the room. Don’t tell kids that, “the birds can fly over your head but you don’t have to let the birds make a nest in your hair.” It communicates nothing and provides no real help to a struggling young man.

From the perspective of the show host, for most people when he ask them if they have a good friend, especially men, they say, no. “How can you then find a team to help you?” he queried.

“I had people that I know, but Dave was not comfortable with them. And he had people that he knew, and I was not comfortable with them,” explained Kirsten. “We struggled to come up with three couples who could help us as our restoration team, to work out a recovery plan that we had to come up with. And that is most people’s dilemma,” she said.

“What I was struggling with in the addiction was low self esteem.”

The show host then ask Kirsten a question, “Have you ever or are you considering taking your own life?” She was startled. “No, why would you ask me that,” she responded.

The host then said, “you have suicidal depression. You have PTSD and anxiety disorder and you need to get help now. You need to get on medication and if you don’t, I will put you in the hospital.” For Kirsten, the ground might as well have opened up and swallow her whole.

He was accurate.

Take a listen, Part 2 – How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

The Book: Choosing a Way Out

Amazon Extract

“Because of a moral failure, that’s why.”

When Kirsten Samuel heard this confession from her Christian husband it took her breath away. Yet, she would realize her husband’s sin exposed the hidden deception in her own life. This uninvited crisis proved to be the beginning of her personal healing.

Kirsten writes that for most of her adult life she believed: She wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or rich enough, or talented enough, or whatever enough. She felt invisible and forgettable.

In these pages of the book, you’ll encounter raw honesty and see a clear path through the pain. You’ll see no depression is too dark and no lie too big. And discover a powerful process, where you exchange isolation for accountability and deception for deliverance. Choose a way out, even in the bleakest of circumstances. God is greater than your pain.

A Dark Spot From My 9 Year Old Past Life

The ghost was let out when Kirsten started her story, “I have been hiding since my abuse. I was stalked at nine year old and was physically attacked by someone I knew and trusted. Though I was able to escape from that attack, I never told any body. The person I told was Dave before we got married. But I brushed it off. I said I was fine. Nothing happened. But emotionally, I was stuck at nine. I was ignoring it, and shutting it down.”

She said going through this can make one, a tough girl, a promiscuous girl or the good girl. She said she was in between the tough and the good girl. Fixing every other people around her to make sure they were happy.

“There was something in my attacker that made him did what he did. And when he died, I grieved”, she concluded.

Focus on The Family

Visit Focus on the Family, get more episode resources on how to redeem your broken marriage.

Get Kirsten’s book “Choosing a Way Out” to know how they redeem their broken marriage. And you can get a copy of the book for your donation of any amount @ https://donate.focusonthefamily.com/don-daily-broadcast-product-2020-11-04

Visit Dave and Kirsten Samuel website for additional resources.

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Worklife Profits From Slavery Changed Scottish Highlands Landscape

Profits From Slavery Changed Scottish Highlands Landscape_ Hidden Camera Naked Shots of Oloture_Mo Abudu

image: The Guardian UK/Mo Abudu/Premium Times/Hidden Camera Naked Shots of Òlòtūré/Worklife Profits From Slavery Changed Scottish Highlands Landscape

Money earned through enslavement work played a key role in the eviction of Highlanders in the 18th and 19th centuries, study finds.

Between roughly 1750 and 1860, in living their life and doing their work, wealthy landowners forcibly evicted thousands of Scottish Highlanders in order to create large-scale sheep farms. Known today as the Highland Clearances, this era of drastic depopulation sparked the collapse of the traditional clan system. Additionally, it led to the mass migration of Scotland’s northernmost residents to other parts of the world.

“Others benefited indirectly by inheriting money or marrying into families that had profited from enslavement.”

As Alison Campsie reports for the Scotsmannew research argues that this pivotal period in Scottish history had close ties to the enslavement of people in British colonies. During the period, a cadre of individuals enriched by slavery evicted at least 5,000 people from their property. Thereby buying up more than one million acres of land relinquished during the clearances.

Indirect Worklife Profits From Slavery

Iain MacKinnon of Coventry University and Andrew Mackillop of the University of Glasgow detailed their findings in a discussion paper published by Community Land Scotland, a nonprofit that represents the country’s community landowners.

A field of green grass with a glimpse of grey sky behind; in the foreground, low stacked walls of flat rocks form the remains of terraces built into a sloping hill
Ruins of farms on Fuaigh Mòr, an island evicted during the Highland Clearances (Public domain via Wikimedia Commons)

The pair’s research also features in a new episode of “Eòrpa,” a BBC current-affairs show anchored by journalist Ruairidh MacIver.

The episode is not accessible in the United States. But United Kingdom based viewers can watch it via the BBC’s website.

Per the Scotsman, MacKinnon and Mackillop found that some landowners made their money from the direct enslavement of individuals on British plantations.

Others benefited indirectly by inheriting money or marrying into families that had profited from enslavement.

“The history of the Highlands in 1700s and 1800s isn’t complete without mentioning slavery. It is where the money was made.”

Losses From Worklife Profits And A National Write Off

All told, beneficiaries of slavery made at least 63 estate purchases during the clearances. They bought up territory that now comprises about 33.5 percent of all the land in the western Highlands and Islands. Adjusted for inflation, the researchers estimate that these buyers spent at least £120 million on land ($158 million USD). Because the authors are missing purchase prices for 22 of the estate sales, the true total is likely much higher.

Similarly, MacKinnon and Mackillop estimates that beneficiaries of slavery evicted at least—but likely more than—5,000 people during the clearances.

Recommended: Hidden Camera Naked Shots Of ÒLÒTŪRÉ

Òlòtūré is a film about modern slavery. Is there a correlation between today’s enslavement and Scottish history of 1700s and 1800s?

The majority of these purchases took place between 1790 and 1855, with peak slavery-related sales taking place in the late 1830s.

These sales coincide with a period in which the British Parliament paid out roughly £20 million to “reimburse” former enslavers. This is for their financial losses after the British Empire formally abolished slavery in 1833. (According to the Scotsman, this compensation amounts to more than £2 billion, or $2.6 billion USD, today.)

John Gordon of Cluny, is a colonel who is described in a separate Scotsman article as “one of the most hated men in Scottish history.” He received the equivalent of £2.9 million as compensation for the more than 1,300 people he had enslaved on plantations in the Caribbean. And he went on to purchase the Scottish islands of Benbecula, South Uist and Barra, evicting nearly 3,000 people in the process.

Assisting Informed Debates On Work Profits From Slavery And Its Legacies

The new study is part of a larger effort among Scottish researchers to illuminate the full story of the country’s ties to slavery. As Mackillop notes in a statement, the pair’s report seeks “to encourage informed debate over the tangled legacies of Scottish society’s substantial and sustained involvement in slavery within the British Empire.”

MacKinnon adds, “It is now clear that returning wealth from Atlantic slavery had an important impact on landownership change in the West Highlands and Islands in the 19th century. And it contributed significantly to the development of extractive and ecologically damaging forms of land use.”

“And many Scots owned humans directly. Especially in countries along the West African coast and in the West Indies.”

As Alasdair Lane reported for NBC News this June, these debates have gained traction in the wake of ongoing Black Lives Matter protests against systemic racism. Scottish merchants played a key role in the trade of enslaved people. And many Scots owned humans directly. Especially in countries along the West African coast and in the West Indies.

Scots have historically been portrayed as “abolitionists and liberal champions.” But their exploitation of Guyana, a country located at the northeastern tip of South America, contradicts this image, wrote Yvonne Singh for the Guardian last year.

Work Profits From Slavery And Reparative Justice

Profits from enslavement work bolstered some of the country’s most renowned institutions.

In 2018, for instance, the University of Glasgow announced that it had received nearly £200 million in today’s money from donors involved in the slave trade, as Helen McArdle reported for the Herald at the time. The university committed to a reparative justice program. They also created a new center for the study of slavery and embarked on collaborative projects with institutions such as the University of the West Indies.

Scottish historian David Alston, compiled a list of individuals with financial investments in both the Highlands and Guyana. This is as part of his two-decade investigation of the relationship between slavery and the Highlands. He tells the Herald’s Jody Harrison that “[t]he more I’ve studied this, I think that you really don’t understand the history of Scotland or the history of the Highlands unless you understand the importance of the slave trade in that history.”

Alston adds, “The history of the Highlands in 1700s and 1800s isn’t complete without mentioning slavery. It is where the money was made.” In living their life and doing their ‘work‘, wealthy individuals worklife profits from slavery changed the course of history for several generations. Many dead, much more, yet unborn.

The original version of this article as written by Nora McGreevy was first published on the Smithsonian Magazine

Nora McGreevy is a freelance journalist based in Chicago. Her work has appeared in WiredWashingtonian, the Boston GlobeSouth Bend Tribune, the New York Times and more. She can be reached through her website, noramcgreevy.com. Follow her @mcgreevynora

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Hidden Camera Naked Shots Of Òlòtūré

Hidden Camera Naked Shots of Oloture_Mo Abudu

image: The Guardian UK/Mo Abudu/Premium Times/Hidden Camera Naked Shots of Òlòtūré

On Mo Abudu’s Instagram page, luciandos2 wrote, “as a lady from Edo state, Nigeria, watching Òlòtūré ring bells in my head. You left no stone un-turned on this one.”

Few years ago, we got a good glimpse into modern slavery through CNN’s hidden camera naked shots. It was the CNN Freedom Project to ending modern-day slavery. Good that came up before Òlòtūré (“Endurance”) came on stage.

From the CNN Freedom Project documentary, Nima Elbair started out by telling us that we are watching the auction of human beings in the 21st century. This is as she went underground as a prospective candidate, to be trafficked to Europe. She is dark in complexion!

Kristie Lu Stout says, “it is when your freedom is denied, that is when you really feel it.” This and many other reports came in as the CNN Freedom Project shines light on stories of modern-day slavery all over the world.

It is a global problem, an age long trade, that leaves no country or group of people as saints.

Tobore Ovuorie And Her Investigative Journalistic Work

The CNN work and that of others was followed up by Nigeria’s Premium Times Newspaper. They did an investigative work inside Nigeria’s ruthless human trafficking mafia. And their report was published on August 12, 2014. After them, the baton was given to Mo Abudu which has led to the production of Òlòtūré.

Tobore Ovuorie of Premium Times was motivated by years of research into the plight of trafficked women in the country. The loss of a friend also pushed her to go undercover in a multi-billion dollar criminal enterprise. She emerged bruised and beaten, but thankfully alive. This was after witnessing orgies, big money deals in jute bags, police-supervised pick-pocketing, beatings and even murder. This is her story.

Help From The Wrong Quarters

Tabore wanted to break through the hypocrisy and official propaganda. She was determined to show how, every day, criminals in Nigeria are helped by the powerful, to enslave fellow young citizens.

Hidden Camera Naked Shots - Òlòtūré

She gave herself a new name, ‘Oghogho.’ This helped her to connect with another Oghogho I., who is an accomplished, and wealthy human trafficker.

Oghogho I. told Tabore, “don’t worry about crossing borders and getting caught. Immigration, customs, police, army and even foreign embassies are part of our network. You only run into trouble with them if you fail to be obedient to us.”

Tabore said two of the trafficked sex workers she interviewed had tried to find help at Nigerian embassies in Madrid and Moscow. It was a wrong step. They soon realized that the very embassy officials from whom they had sought deportation, had immediately informed their pimps. 

Even as close as November 17th, 2020, Premium Times reported that the Nigerian Embassy in Germany suspended a senior Embassy security staff. His offence, an allegation that he solicited sex from a woman before renewing her passport. What prompted an immediate action was a video that went viral.

To Every Labor And ‘Work’ There is Profit

How will you define “work?”

Merriam-webster dictionary defines work in different ways. We will focus on the first three definitions. The first is, work is to perform or fulfill duties regularly for wages or salary. The second is, work is to perform or carry through a task requiring sustained effort or continuous repeated operations. And the third definition is, work is to exert oneself physically or mentally especially in sustained effort, for a purpose or under compulsion or necessity.

From the three definitions, every task, duties or action undertaken during slavery and by compulsion is work. And it has its own industry.

Recommended: Profits From Slavery Changed Scottish Highlands Landscape

The slave trade of the 16th to 19th century that took away West Africans as slaves to the rest of the world was profitable “work” to both locals and foreigners. The foreigners did not go into the inter land. Local chiefs coordinated the attack (evil “work”) on innocent people. They were the ones who held them as captives before sending them over to the foreigners once their ships arrived. The foreigners took away the human cargo, just as they took away raw farm produce. Both, were simply goods for commercial business transactions.

Hidden Work, Naked Profits

Today, Oghogho I. too is profiting from her business.

Tabore reported that Oghogho I. owned four luxury cars, and two houses in Edo State. And that she was busy completing the building of a third house near the Warri airport in Delta State. Others she had met through her initial ‘call girl’ exploits were also clearly on their way to “riches” too.

Priye was set to go back to the Netherlands, where she worked before, to become a ‘madam’. Ivie and Precious were quite happy to go back to Italy. She narrated that, “Precious had already made enough money to start building her own house in Enugu, a city that is located halfway in between Abuja and Port Harcourt.”

Hidden Camera Naked Shots: Òlòtūré Official Trailer

Through Òlòtūré’s hidden camera and naked shots, the difficult realities of these women, particularly those who were sexually exploited, comes to light. It shows how they are recruited and trafficked overseas for commercial gain.

In just days after its debut, Òlòtūré has become the top watched movie in Nigeria. And it is among the top 10 watched movies in the world on Netflix.

CNN Shines Light On Òlòtūré’s Bright Light

Aisha Salaudeen also did a report for CNN titled, New Nollywood film shines a light on human trafficking in Nigeria.

Mo Abudu_Ebonylife TV_Òlòtūré
Mo Abudu, Executive Producer of Òlòtūré

She reported that human trafficking is a $150 billion global industry. And that according to a 2014 report by the International Labor Organization, two-thirds of this figure is generated from sexual exploitation.

The film Òlòtūré is also doing well in countries like Switzerland, Brazil, and South Africa because it is authentic and “deals with the truth,” Abudu said.

“EbonyLife has done seven movies. But this is the most impactful one we have ever done. And the most important.”

The National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP) is the law enforcement agency in charge of combating human trafficking in Nigeria. They want the film to be made available to people in rural communities who don’t have access to Netflix.

The International Organization for Migration (IMO) estimates that 91% victims trafficked from Nigeria are women. And based on their traffickers notoriety, they would have sexually exploited more than half of them.

Nigerian Filmmaker Kenneth Gyang Brought The Stories To Life

Hidden Camera Naked Shots - Òlòtūré
Actors pose as sex workers on the set of Netflix original film, Òlòtūré

The film Òlòtūré, was directed by award-winning Nigerian filmmaker, Kenneth Gyang. It features Nollywood stars like Sharon Ooja, Omoni Oboli and Blossom Chukwujekwu.

According to Indiewire, Gyang was already working on a trafficking project when he was approached by EbonyLife in 2019 about Òlòturé.

EbonyLife is Mo Abudu’s production company.

In an interview, Gyang said he was inspired to make the movie after absorbing the experiences of Nigerians suffering in exile around the world.

The Search For ‘Next Level’, Never Always Have A Happy Ending

“I travel a lot, especially in Europe and I see Nigerian sisters, West African sisters in dark corners of countries like Luxembourg,” Gyang said. “But I was especially outraged by a BBC documentary series a few years ago. It was about a Nigerian girl who left to go to Europe because she was promised work. But she ended up in Agadez [Niger]. She was then sold to different men everyday to make enough money that could get her to Libya.”

Getting enough money was never certain, and same with the dangerous desert trip to Libya.

Hidden Camera Naked Shots - Òlòtūré
Ebonylife TV

The film concludes on a very bleak note, with Òlòtūré’s fate uncertain.

Though it’s not quite the happy ending that audiences might be hoping for. For the filmmaker, that’s the point.

“I didn’t want a ‘Hollywood ending’ for this film because I want people to talk about the film. And the only way you can really talk about it is to show the reality of these women’s lives,” Gyang said. “Because very few of them are actually saved in real life.

While Òlòturé is brutal to watch, it however explores a world that only a few know anything about in unflinching detail. Even though those who take the “Òlòturé adventure” brings lots of negative publicity to Africa. This is therefore one other effort to change the African narrative overseas. A change away from stories about poverty, famine, war, disease and despair – what novelist Chimamanda Adichie calls, the danger of the single story. Gyang also wants to tell stories that have social impact and reveal truths that could lead to change.

Past Pains That Stirred The Desire For Change

Mo Abudu_Ebonylife TV_Òlòtūré_I just love what I do

Gyang referenced a 2019 report that said as many as 20,000 Nigerian girls were sold to prostitution rings in the west African nation of Mali alone.

“I watched the report on Al Jazeera and it made me so mad,” he said.

“I didn’t want all that stuff about them being saved because it’s just not the reality of most of these women. And it would not make sense to represent this fantasy that people will watch, and maybe believe that that’s how it ends for most of them, because it’s not the case.”

He’s hopeful that the film could inspire the Nigerian government to act more aggressively on the issue of human trafficking, although that has yet to happen. “I’ve seen a lot of important personalities talking about the film in Nigeria and I think that should get the government’s attention,” he said. 

Mosunmola Abudu (Mo Abudu) is an accomplished woman and she has been described as “Africa’s most successful woman” by Forbes. Abudu is a talk show hostess, TV producer, and human resource management consultant. She is also a media personality, entrepreneur, venture capitalist and a philanthropist.

In her own little way, Mo is contributing to a project that is hopefully, trans-generational in its impact. History records the works of Mary Mitchell Slessor, a Scottish Presbyterian missionary to Nigeria. She was able to stop the killings or abandonment of twins in Cross River State.

Why Is West Africa The Hot Bed Of Slavery?

Think again. 12 million Africans were brought to the Americas as slaves in the 16th to 19th centuries. But today, as at 2012, there are a conservative 21 million fresh human beings who are living in slavery worldwide.

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