Category Archives: Couples on a Journey.

How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How do you redeem your broken marriage? Please note that no marital problem is bigger than another. But what if yours is battling pornography and infidelity?

Your relationship is in good condition, but you want things to be better. And surely your marriage can be better. This article is about a loving couple who seems to have a perfect marriage. But there were hidden issues below the surface that really threatens to tear their family apart. This particular topic, how to redeem your broken marriage is related to pornographic addictions; but can it be so true that a high percentage of men struggle with this issue?

“The most dangerous inadequacies and ‘fault-lines’ in our life are the ones that we think are anonymous.

If there is a hidden ‘fault-line’ that you are struggling with as a couple, just take it out from under the table and put it on top of the table. Definitely, it will require a lot of courage and grit, but the reward is huge for the entire family. Just like the experience of the couple, Dave and Kirsten Samuel whose story is to be shared here.

A Fabulous Marriage And Then A Niggling ‘Fault-line’ Showed Up

Happily married for 25 years and with 3 grown children. But ironically, they did not know each other. Comfortably just launching into empty nest years, they thought they have an absolute, fabulous marriage. And to them, sure they did. “To some degree we did. We never fought, and we always got along,” says Kirsten.

“We did love each other,” Dave chipped in. “And we were committed to each other… but the ‘fault-line’ that was niggling at me, that was under the skin for years, just kept raising its ugly head. The internet provided easy access to information that should not be.”

Then one day the whole bubble busted. Dave came home one night, and the signs were all over him. He went into the bedroom after dinner and Kirsten followed later.

The peace in the family was shattered with what came out of Dave’s mouth, “it is very likely I won’t have a job tomorrow.”

“Why?” Kirsten asked.

Dave replied, “because of a moral failure.”

Kirsten knee just gave way.

He Exchanged Me For Pornography

Kirsten recollect that when she heard him, she went through a range of emotions, from disbelief to ‘how dare you?’ Then followed by anger. “You couldn’t have struck a knife in my heart any harder than that, knowing that he exchanged me for pornography. I went between shock, anger, disbelief, and resentment. I don’t know you, I don’t want to be near you. It was like, who is this guy? This is not the guy I thought I married,” she said.

“The question that was posed to me was, what was it worth to me for my wife to be healed?”

“We need help,” she continued. And the first people she could think about, became their restoration team.

The Childhood Wounds That I Did Not Deal With Erupted

Then something opened up in her. The wounds she had been hiding for many years when she was abused. Kirsten recollect that she had never dealt with it when it happened to her since she was nine years old. “It reminds me, you don’t have any value, you don’t worth anything, you are unseen, unlovable, not pretty enough, not smart enough, that I do not matter. And since you traded me with pornography, therefore I don’t matter.”

“I love your dad because love is an act of the will. It is not an emotion.”

They reached out to their children and the son asked her the question, “mum, do you love my dad?”

That touched her and brought out a deep reflection. “Honestly, I love your dad because love is an act of the will. It is not an emotion. But right now, I can’t stand him. I don’t like him at all. But I love him because I made him a commitment in my wedding vows,” she said.

In the midst of the painful betrayal, a truth cannot be hidden as she thought of Dave’s performance on their wedding vow. “Dave kept forsaking all others – no he did not keep that one. I got upset about that. But I was guilty. I couldn’t throw a dirt at him, I was just as guilty.”

Take a listen, Part 1 – How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How It All Started With Pornography

Dave’s side of the story is also intriguing. “I was exposed to pornography probably when I was five or six years old by a neighbor’s friend”, he started. “One of those things … ‘hey, check out this magazine’. As a military family, we moved around all the time. I did not have a lot of friends that had a lot of history. That fed my insecurity of being a boy that wasn’t into sport. But I was more attracted to the art and music. I had more of a sensitive temperament, and I didn’t seem to fit in with my guy friends in school.”

At this point, it is time to grab the edge of the chair as Dave continued his story. “Pornography was my medication of choice when I felt insecure, scared and freighted. Like going to a new school for the first time, it was hard for me.”

“For most people when I ask them if they have a good friend, especially men, they say, no. How can you then find a team to help you?”

Dave went on to narrate his journey into the dark world of pornography. How before the internet it was pretty much hard to have access because it was pretty much controlled. This shielded the first part of their marriage from the horrid effect of pornography, and the marriage was therefore great. But around the time that the internet started getting into the homes, it really became a struggle for him. The access was there, the anonymity was there, the secrecy was there; all those things that can fuel addiction because one could get away with it.

Rescue Support System – Parents, Friends and Counsellors

“You have got to talk about it with the kids”, Kirsten said.

Dave remembered how conversation about similar sensitive topic was handled while he was growing up. Rather than the issue been faced headlong, adults retorting to anecdote. He counselled that parents should face the elephant in the room. Don’t tell kids that, “the birds can fly over your head but you don’t have to let the birds make a nest in your hair.” It communicates nothing and provides no real help to a struggling young man.

From the perspective of the show host, for most people when he ask them if they have a good friend, especially men, they say, no. “How can you then find a team to help you?” he queried.

“I had people that I know, but Dave was not comfortable with them. And he had people that he knew, and I was not comfortable with them,” explained Kirsten. “We struggled to come up with three couples who could help us as our restoration team, to work out a recovery plan that we had to come up with. And that is most people’s dilemma,” she said.

“What I was struggling with in the addiction was low self esteem.”

The show host then ask Kirsten a question, “Have you ever or are you considering taking your own life?” She was startled. “No, why would you ask me that,” she responded.

The host then said, “you have suicidal depression. You have PTSD and anxiety disorder and you need to get help now. You need to get on medication and if you don’t, I will put you in the hospital.” For Kirsten, the ground might as well have opened up and swallow her whole.

He was accurate.

Take a listen, Part 2 – How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

The Book: Choosing a Way Out

Amazon Extract

“Because of a moral failure, that’s why.”

When Kirsten Samuel heard this confession from her Christian husband it took her breath away. Yet, she would realize her husband’s sin exposed the hidden deception in her own life. This uninvited crisis proved to be the beginning of her personal healing.

Kirsten writes that for most of her adult life she believed: She wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or rich enough, or talented enough, or whatever enough. She felt invisible and forgettable.

In these pages of the book, you’ll encounter raw honesty and see a clear path through the pain. You’ll see no depression is too dark and no lie too big. And discover a powerful process, where you exchange isolation for accountability and deception for deliverance. Choose a way out, even in the bleakest of circumstances. God is greater than your pain.

A Dark Spot From My 9 Year Old Past Life

The ghost was let out when Kirsten started her story, “I have been hiding since my abuse. I was stalked at nine year old and was physically attacked by someone I knew and trusted. Though I was able to escape from that attack, I never told any body. The person I told was Dave before we got married. But I brushed it off. I said I was fine. Nothing happened. But emotionally, I was stuck at nine. I was ignoring it, and shutting it down.”

She said going through this can make one, a tough girl, a promiscuous girl or the good girl. She said she was in between the tough and the good girl. Fixing every other people around her to make sure they were happy.

“There was something in my attacker that made him did what he did. And when he died, I grieved”, she concluded.


Focus on The Family

Visit Focus on the Family, get more episode resources on how to redeem your broken marriage.

Get Kirsten’s book “Choosing a Way Out” to know how they redeem their broken marriage. And you can get a copy of the book for your donation of any amount @ https://donate.focusonthefamily.com/don-daily-broadcast-product-2020-11-04

Visit Dave and Kirsten Samuel website for additional resources.

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Welcome to Worklife Feed articles and site-files indexing and adaptation series.

Ending A No Sex Emotional Affair And It’s Roller Coaster

How To End An Emotional Affair

stock photo ID: 1152948911/ The Good Men Project/ Ending A No Sex Emotional Affair And It’s Roller Coaster

Infidelity is an action that many will say is indefensible, but when people think of cheating, they tend to imagine a married person sleeping with someone outside their marriage. It’s usually a physical act. However, what happens when a married person has a deep, emotional connection to someone outside the marriage? This can be known as an emotional affair.
In this post, we will look at what an emotional affair is and how you can end it.

Ending A No Sex Emotional Affair: Emotional Affair Vs. Friendship

An emotional affair isn’t people who are good friends. Some people may just have a good friendship and aren’t in an emotional affair at all. Here’s how to tell the difference.

See, Falwell Marketplace Faith And Evangelicals Theology

Secrecy

You usually don’t keep your friendship with someone a secret to your spouse. If you’re afraid to tell your spouse about the “friendship,” it may be an emotional affair. You usually tell your spouse if you’re hanging out with a friend. You may even bring your spouse with them. However, you won’t do the same with someone you are having an ’emotional affair’ with.

There’s a Sexual Attraction

When it comes to emotional affairs, you know you’re in one if there’s sexual tension between the two of you. You don’t have to be physically intimate with the person for it to be an emotional affair.

You’re Blowing Off Your Spouse for the Person You’re In an Emotional Affair With

If you feel like you’re ignoring your spouse more, and are thinking about the person you’re talking to, you may be in an emotional affair. You’re less intimate with your spouse, and you instead fantasize about that person. You may be less open to your spouse as well, but share your deepest desires with that person.

There’s Tension in Your Marriage

Even if you were just friends at first, an emotional affair can happen if there’s some tension in your marriage. Whether you’re starting to feel distant, argue more, or feel like you can’t talk to your spouse anymore. This can increase the chances of an emotional affair.

Anything That Breaks The Boundaries of Your Marriage

Finally, a sign that it’s an emotional affair is if you’re doing something that breaks the boundaries of your marriage. Every marriage has certain boundaries, with some being laxer and others being more strict. If you’re breaking the boundaries, you’re having an emotional affair.

Why It’s Bad

While you aren’t physically cheating with someone, an emotional affair is still infidelity. It’s often the beginning of physical cheating as well. When there is sexual tension between two people, it doesn’t take long before the line gets crossed.

Steps to Ending a No Sex Emotional Affair

How to End It: Now, let’s talk about ending an emotional affair. If you’re in an emotional affair and you realize it, you may wonder how you can walk it back before disaster strikes. Here are some ways you can do this.

Cut Out Contact With the Person

If you’re having an emotional affair with a person, it’s best that you stop talking to them. This isn’t to say that you can’t be friends when the feelings go away, but for now, it’s best that you end the friendship. It can be difficult to go back to being “just friends” when intense emotions have happened.

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Some people cut out all contact, while others may talk to the person one last time to explain what’s going on. Depending on your situation, one may be better than the other. Most people will prefer there to be some closure, as ghosting can hurt a person. But if you feel like you can’t confront them in person, you may just want to stop talking to them altogether, or message them and then block.

Take Some Responsibility in Ending a No Sex Emotional Affair

It’s important to admit that you messed up. We are all human, and we’re not saying you should self-flagellate, but coming clean is a noble move. In many cases, taking responsibility may come in the form of telling your spouse.

Of course, telling your spouse can be a challenge. One way you can solve this is to;

Go For Marriage Counseling

If the reason the emotional affair happened in the first place was because of issues in marriages, then consider talking to a counselor. You may do it individually as well, but one of the smartest decisions may be to bring both you and your spouse in, and see how you can repair your marriage.

As mentioned, marriage counseling can also be a good way for you to come clean about the emotional affair. Doing it outside of counseling can be a dangerous move, as emotions can run high. It can often spell the end of the marriage. However, a counselor’s office is a much safer environment to admit to it.

Think About Why the Affair Happened

This is a good thing to discuss with the counselor and your spouse. Why did the emotional affair happen to begin with? Is it because the person had something the marriage was missing? Was it due to recent issues in the marriage? Figuring out the exact reason behind it can help both you and the spouse repair your marriage.

If The Marriage Wasn’t Meant to Be

There are some cases where your marriage or relationship is falling apart, and it may be better to try to be in a relationship with the person you’re talking to. In a case like this, don’t play any games. Instead, end the relationship and go from there. Don’t commit infidelity and keep being in the relationship while you’re talking to someone else.

Of course, this is also something that you should think a long time about. Sometimes, you may just be lovestruck by someone and they may not be good marriage material. Even if you think you want to leave your spouse, marriage counseling is something you should still seek out.

Final Thoughts On Ending a No Sex Emotional Affair

An emotional affair isn’t as severe as one that’s physical, but it should still be cut out from your life in most cases.

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Myfwl/Worklife Feed has reprinted this article in full. Thanks to the good job done by Marie Miguel in the original article featured in the goodmenproject.com. On this basis, and a show of our support for the work of The Good Men Project, and BetterHelp.com, we are showcasing the profile below.

Note that despite our support, we take no responsibility for the activities of the organisations.

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About BetterHelp/Marie Miguel’s Column In The Good Men Project

In this column, you will find articles on the therapeutic process, overcoming mental illness stigma, achieving wellness through a healthy lifestyle and much more. BetterHelp shares these crucial pieces of information with you at The Good Men Project because they believe in your ability to have the best mental health that you can achieve.

What better way to get to your goal than by reading about common issues that other people are facing? The number one reason that BetterHelp has been successful is due to people like you who want to learn more about how to get and stay mentally healthy. Read the stories and take away the knowledge that wellness and healing are possible.

Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health-related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.

About BetterHelp

BetterHelp is the world’s largest e-counseling platform.

The American Psychological Association, ABC, The Wall Street Journal and The Atlantic have recognized BetterHelp for excellence in the field. Their unrelenting goal is to make counseling accessible, affordable, and convenient.

Life is full of unexpected challenges, and the counselors at BetterHelp are fully aware of this.

That’s why they want to provide the best support and guidance they can to their clients. They are passionate about their roles and demonstrate this in the unconditional support they have for their clients. The remarkably skilled therapists and counselors at BetterHelp have completed an astounding 27,559,459 sessions, helping clients with a variety of mental health issues ranging from depression to Borderline Personality Disorder.

These dedicated mental health professionals want to provide excellent therapeutic care to anyone who is searching for it. They believe that anyone can get help, anytime, anywhere.

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Best Laugh on Intimacy and Romance (2)

Best Laugh on Intimacy

Don’t dream of a ‘good time’ thinking of someone else. You can have the best laugh on intimacy with your partner.

Any marriage or relationship that is not growing is getting weak, and dying.

Click this link, to TAKE A LISTEN

Episode Title: Prioritized Romance (Christian Perspective)

Source: MarriageToday Audio Podcast with Jimmy and Karen Evans

Myfwl Quickies: – Best Laugh on Intimacy

Difficult Lane Men Walk

  • A lot of people believe that romance is for women and ‘strange men’. So, if you ever see a man in a romance section of a bookstore, …
  • As a man, know that the idea of a romantic activity that you share with your wife has a short life expectancy. But it still means a lot that you came up with something.

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Being romantic is saying …

  • Hear this, you, my spouse has a place in my life that no one else has.
  • You, my spouse is special, and there is no one else like you.
  • You desire me.

Being romantic makes me …

  • Like the way I feel about myself.
  • Feel wanted and attractive.

To be Romantic is to …

  • Go into your spouse world and meet an unspoken need or desire.
  • Speak or show love in your spouse romance language.

Do you want to know how to keep winning your husband? Show up periodically naked, and bring food. Note, the food is optional.

Men’s Major Romance Needs

  • Respect.
  • Sex.
  • Friendship (as buddy not mother).
  • Domestic support.

Women’s Major Romance Needs

  • Security (including having a selfless and sacrificial man).
  • Open and honest communication.
  • Nonsexual affection.
  • Leadership.

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Best Laugh on Intimacy and Romance (1)

Best Laugh on Intimacy

It is possible to enjoy our intimate life. To get the best laugh on intimacy, let’s roll.

Communication is important to your wife as sex is to you.

Click this link, to TAKE A LISTEN

Episode Title: The Secret of Ultimate Sexual Fulfillment (Christian Perspective)

Source: MarriageToday Audio Podcast with Jimmy and Karen Evans

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Myfwl Quick Tips – Introduction to Best Laugh on Intimacy

  • The Best Sex in marriage comes when one partner serves the other.
  • Chemistry will come and go, same with physical attraction.
  • Libido will not always come at the same time for the man and woman.
  • A man need to be his spouse’s dream maker, serving her.
  • You can’t be intimate with someone who is selfish.

To have a great sex night, be connected with all her life, all day long.

Myfwl Quick Tips – For the Man

  • Be romantic in the woman’s language, especially outside the bedroom.
  • Be sensitive to the Stress Points in her life.
  • A woman’s biggest needs are non sexual affections
  • Number one need of your wife is security.
  • Number two, open, patient and honest communication. The more you talk to your wife, the more sexual she becomes. 

Myfwl Quick Tips – For the Woman

  • A man want to be respected, and honored.
  • Men have the DESIRE – NEED for sex, and that is why they keep coming back to their wife. Women have the GIFT of sex.
  • A man is most vulnerable, when having fun, sex with you. Even a closed up man, who won’t talk will open up if this gift is used wisely.

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Empty nest: what to do before you experience it

EMPTY NEST: WHAT TO DO BEFORE YOU EXPERIENCE IT

EMPTY NEST!

http://bit.ly/2wQpcDi
Click above link, to TAKE A LISTEN

Source:FamilyLife Podcast Network.  https://www.familylife.com/familylife-podcast-network/

Author Jill Savage talks about the freedom, and the challenges, of the empty nest. Savage remembers preparing for the time when her kids would leave home and being surprised at how hard it really was to adjust to a quiet house. Hear some sound advice from a mom who’s been there.

NOW THAT THE KIDS HAVE GONE

  • Their wives will be number one in their life, as it is supposed to be. But that means, I am not. I used to be number in their lives as their mother.
  • A couple says, 6 or 7 weeks after their last son had gone to college, they got a call one night from Domino’s, just checking to know, is everything okay. No kids’ orders!
  • It feels like being fired from the job you’ve been doing for years. Just when you are at your prime of being a good parent.
  • Identify crisis questions like, ‘Who am I right now?’ comes up.
  • I can’t ask the same questions that I used to ask anymore, because it is no longer my role.

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WHAT TO DO BEFORE YOU EXPERIENCE IT

  • Not just, what will I be doing, but most importantly, who will I be spending time with when they are gone? If that person will be your spouse, how are you embracing, developing or neglecting that relationship now? Develop or fix now, the most important relationship(s) in your life, outside of the kids.
  • Your kids will still need you, but in a different way; as cheerleader, coach, or encourager. But beyond the kids, who else will be out there that will need your nurturing? Who are you allowing now to be your own coach and encourager or you are walking the journey all by yourself with your own cook book of little experience?
  • You will need to let go of guilt. What you did well or didn’t do well for your kids. But, why not work now to reduce the likely reasons for guilt later? Making every parenting pain, season, events, request, a grateful privilege to respond to or handle, before that opportunity and privilege pass you on.

The Greatest Love Story, Our Stories, A Personal Story

The Greatest Love Story, Our Stories, A Personal Story

The greatest love story is about you and I, our troubles finding and managing love; and a man who got bold enough to share his own failures and recovery experience.

Click A Love Story, to TAKE A LISTEN (you will be required to make a purchase)

Source: “A LOVE STORY” by Pastor Keith Battle of Zion Church, Maryland, USA.

What ever you neglect will die on you!

You may also like, Best Laugh on Intimacy and Romance

Sit back, I want to tell you a story, the greatest Love Story!

This is about the story of love that you are into or about to get into. From a flowery, creative, caring, flaming love. To a love that drifts away like a weightless flower on a slow moving stream. And for a love drift happens, it happens when love losses all of its intensity and creativity.

Now, this may not be your story, or you are feeling, did someone just told these folks about what is going on in my life?

Why not just listen yourself to the full story … Click Love Stories, to have access to similar stories.

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Marital Happiness: Cookie Box or Golden Recipe

MARITAL HAPPINESS

http://bit.ly/32ah1Nu
Click above link, to TAKE A LISTEN

Source:What Makes a man in Today’s World’ from Knowledge for Men Podcast with Steve Harvey.

Don’t just remember the Cookie Box alone. Real, simple, golden recipe for Men to have a long, happy marital relationship:

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You can be Happy, or You can be Right!”

Be happy and work things out with your woman, just listen to her.

Keep trying to be right and you’ll ALWAYS end up with arguments which you will never win.

Photo Credit: Eric Ward on Unsplash