Author Archives: akin Adeleye

How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

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How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How do you redeem your broken marriage? Please note that no marital problem is bigger than another. But what if yours is battling pornography and infidelity?

Your relationship is in good condition, but you want things to be better. And surely your marriage can be better. This article is about a loving couple who seems to have a perfect marriage. But there were hidden issues below the surface that really threatens to tear their family apart. This particular topic, how to redeem your broken marriage is related to pornographic addictions; but can it be so true that a high percentage of men struggle with this issue?

“The most dangerous inadequacies and ‘fault-lines’ in our life are the ones that we think are anonymous.

If there is a hidden ‘fault-line’ that you are struggling with as a couple, just take it out from under the table and put it on top of the table. Definitely, it will require a lot of courage and grit, but the reward is huge for the entire family. Just like the experience of the couple, Dave and Kirsten Samuel whose story is to be shared here.

A Fabulous Marriage And Then A Niggling ‘Fault-line’ Showed Up

Happily married for 25 years and with 3 grown children. But ironically, they did not know each other. Comfortably just launching into empty nest years, they thought they have an absolute, fabulous marriage. And to them, sure they did. “To some degree we did. We never fought, and we always got along,” says Kirsten.

“We did love each other,” Dave chipped in. “And we were committed to each other… but the ‘fault-line’ that was niggling at me, that was under the skin for years, just kept raising its ugly head. The internet provided easy access to information that should not be.”

Then one day the whole bubble busted. Dave came home one night, and the signs were all over him. He went into the bedroom after dinner and Kirsten followed later.

The peace in the family was shattered with what came out of Dave’s mouth, “it is very likely I won’t have a job tomorrow.”

“Why?” Kirsten asked.

Dave replied, “because of a moral failure.”

Kirsten knee just gave way.

He Exchanged Me For Pornography

Kirsten recollect that when she heard him, she went through a range of emotions, from disbelief to ‘how dare you?’ Then followed by anger. “You couldn’t have struck a knife in my heart any harder than that, knowing that he exchanged me for pornography. I went between shock, anger, disbelief, and resentment. I don’t know you, I don’t want to be near you. It was like, who is this guy? This is not the guy I thought I married,” she said.

“The question that was posed to me was, what was it worth to me for my wife to be healed?”

“We need help,” she continued. And the first people she could think about, became their restoration team.

The Childhood Wounds That I Did Not Deal With Erupted

Then something opened up in her. The wounds she had been hiding for many years when she was abused. Kirsten recollect that she had never dealt with it when it happened to her since she was nine years old. “It reminds me, you don’t have any value, you don’t worth anything, you are unseen, unlovable, not pretty enough, not smart enough, that I do not matter. And since you traded me with pornography, therefore I don’t matter.”

“I love your dad because love is an act of the will. It is not an emotion.”

They reached out to their children and the son asked her the question, “mum, do you love my dad?”

That touched her and brought out a deep reflection. “Honestly, I love your dad because love is an act of the will. It is not an emotion. But right now, I can’t stand him. I don’t like him at all. But I love him because I made him a commitment in my wedding vows,” she said.

In the midst of the painful betrayal, a truth cannot be hidden as she thought of Dave’s performance on their wedding vow. “Dave kept forsaking all others – no he did not keep that one. I got upset about that. But I was guilty. I couldn’t throw a dirt at him, I was just as guilty.”

Take a listen, Part 1 – How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

How It All Started With Pornography

Dave’s side of the story is also intriguing. “I was exposed to pornography probably when I was five or six years old by a neighbor’s friend”, he started. “One of those things … ‘hey, check out this magazine’. As a military family, we moved around all the time. I did not have a lot of friends that had a lot of history. That fed my insecurity of being a boy that wasn’t into sport. But I was more attracted to the art and music. I had more of a sensitive temperament, and I didn’t seem to fit in with my guy friends in school.”

At this point, it is time to grab the edge of the chair as Dave continued his story. “Pornography was my medication of choice when I felt insecure, scared and freighted. Like going to a new school for the first time, it was hard for me.”

“For most people when I ask them if they have a good friend, especially men, they say, no. How can you then find a team to help you?”

Dave went on to narrate his journey into the dark world of pornography. How before the internet it was pretty much hard to have access because it was pretty much controlled. This shielded the first part of their marriage from the horrid effect of pornography, and the marriage was therefore great. But around the time that the internet started getting into the homes, it really became a struggle for him. The access was there, the anonymity was there, the secrecy was there; all those things that can fuel addiction because one could get away with it.

Rescue Support System – Parents, Friends and Counsellors

“You have got to talk about it with the kids”, Kirsten said.

Dave remembered how conversation about similar sensitive topic was handled while he was growing up. Rather than the issue been faced headlong, adults retorting to anecdote. He counselled that parents should face the elephant in the room. Don’t tell kids that, “the birds can fly over your head but you don’t have to let the birds make a nest in your hair.” It communicates nothing and provides no real help to a struggling young man.

From the perspective of the show host, for most people when he ask them if they have a good friend, especially men, they say, no. “How can you then find a team to help you?” he queried.

“I had people that I know, but Dave was not comfortable with them. And he had people that he knew, and I was not comfortable with them,” explained Kirsten. “We struggled to come up with three couples who could help us as our restoration team, to work out a recovery plan that we had to come up with. And that is most people’s dilemma,” she said.

“What I was struggling with in the addiction was low self esteem.”

The show host then ask Kirsten a question, “Have you ever or are you considering taking your own life?” She was startled. “No, why would you ask me that,” she responded.

The host then said, “you have suicidal depression. You have PTSD and anxiety disorder and you need to get help now. You need to get on medication and if you don’t, I will put you in the hospital.” For Kirsten, the ground might as well have opened up and swallow her whole.

He was accurate.

Take a listen, Part 2 – How To Redeem Your Broken Marriage

The Book: Choosing a Way Out

Amazon Extract

“Because of a moral failure, that’s why.”

When Kirsten Samuel heard this confession from her Christian husband it took her breath away. Yet, she would realize her husband’s sin exposed the hidden deception in her own life. This uninvited crisis proved to be the beginning of her personal healing.

Kirsten writes that for most of her adult life she believed: She wasn’t good enough, or pretty enough, or smart enough, or rich enough, or talented enough, or whatever enough. She felt invisible and forgettable.

In these pages of the book, you’ll encounter raw honesty and see a clear path through the pain. You’ll see no depression is too dark and no lie too big. And discover a powerful process, where you exchange isolation for accountability and deception for deliverance. Choose a way out, even in the bleakest of circumstances. God is greater than your pain.

A Dark Spot From My 9 Year Old Past Life

The ghost was let out when Kirsten started her story, “I have been hiding since my abuse. I was stalked at nine year old and was physically attacked by someone I knew and trusted. Though I was able to escape from that attack, I never told any body. The person I told was Dave before we got married. But I brushed it off. I said I was fine. Nothing happened. But emotionally, I was stuck at nine. I was ignoring it, and shutting it down.”

She said going through this can make one, a tough girl, a promiscuous girl or the good girl. She said she was in between the tough and the good girl. Fixing every other people around her to make sure they were happy.

“There was something in my attacker that made him did what he did. And when he died, I grieved”, she concluded.

Focus on The Family

Visit Focus on the Family, get more episode resources on how to redeem your broken marriage.

Get Kirsten’s book “Choosing a Way Out” to know how they redeem their broken marriage. And you can get a copy of the book for your donation of any amount @ https://donate.focusonthefamily.com/don-daily-broadcast-product-2020-11-04

DONATE to Focus on the Family: Strengthen families with your gift

Visit Dave and Kirsten Samuel website for additional resources.

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Workaholic High Achiever and ‘Always On’ Work Culture

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WORKAHOLIC HIGH ACHIEVER AND 'ALWAYS ON' WORK CULTURE

For someone just starting out their career, or an average employee, there is the temptation to think that an high achiever is a workaholic. A workaholic may be a validation seeker, someone who wants to be seen as the over-achiever workhorses that put in long hours and burn the midnight oil. Buying into the over working culture and consider it a badge of honor – finally arriving at the high achiever status.

Workaholism is unhealthy and unsustainable with a tragic reality, it leads to unhappiness and burnout in life and career.

The Pursuit of Glory

The pursuit of a wrong goal and purpose at work can result in different behaviors. Matthew Kitchen illustrates this frenzy in his Wall Street Journal article. “I have a masochistic need to please bosses”, he starts, like a workaholic self reporting. “So I’m never more than a few feet from my iPhone (notifications humming at all hours) and I never leave home without a MacBook in tow. Just in case.”

The self delusional worker who is trying to curry a boss favor then said the manager once mentioned pointedly that he has a “perverse respect for workaholics.” And the manager emailed this person a question at 11:11 p.m. Guess what, the email was responded to seven minutes later. With a response from the boss, “You = Always On.”

And for you to know the danger of loosing one’s soul at work, this spat on the face sounds like a joke or a compliment. Not a clear ‘unpleasant’ joke to be frowned out. “I’ll take it,” which ever it is, says our manager pleasing friend.

  • Source: The Wall Street journal Article: How to Disconnect From ‘Always On’ Work Culture
  • Source: HuffPost Article: Be a High Achiever Instead of a Workaholic

When Glory, Awards and Recognition Pursue Achievements

Workaholic High Achiever and disconnecting from always on work culture
Illustration: Steve Scott

Caroline Dowd-Higgins, an executive coach and author of the above HuffPost article, counsels that it is better to be strategic, to work smarter and not harder so you can more fully enjoy your life and career. To get the desired awards and recognition as a high achiever, there is a need to be proactive in planning the work environment.

This should be followed with the design of each work day around the most important tasks that have the most significant return on investment.

“Avoid the workaholics perfectionism paradox,” she continued. Follow the tech start-ups design thinking “good enough to go” maxim; the 80/20 rule. And once you have drop the office pen, play like a baby. Find time and space to flow into a wellness regimen.

Whether it is a move from being a workaholic to an high achiever, or maintaining the momentum of achievement, you need an accountability partner. Talk of the person been a mentor from the pool of leaders that you admire or a peer. Whichever way, you will do well when you have others whom you can turn to for support.

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There is No Such Thing as an Easy Job

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There is no such thing as an easy job

In “There’s No Such Thing as an Easy Job,” author Kikuko Tsumura details the everyday struggles of modern life, focusing on our complicated relationships with work.

Taking her place among a growing number of exceptional female writers in Japan, Tsumura deftly handles work habits and relationships, stereotypes and expectations for success. She sets all of these against a repetitious, unending search for what is valuable and valued. The novel unfolds as a profound meditation on contemporary society and what makes work meaningful.

The novel’s unnamed narrator is 36 years old and single. She has no choice but to move in with her parents after quitting her 14-year career due to burnout syndrome. When her unemployment insurance runs out, she prepares to reenter the workforce with a dry matter-of-factness. Saying, “I’d sat down one day in front of my recruiter and informed her that I wanted a job as close as possible to my house. Ideally, something along the lines of sitting all day in a chair, overseeing the extraction of collagen for use in skincare products.”

There’s No Such Thing as an Easy Job

In her attempts to find work that is meaningless and undemanding, the narrator goes through five jobs over the course of a year.

In one role, she checks surveillance footage of a novelist who has unknowingly received priceless gems in a covert smuggling scheme. She then works as an assistant to an enigmatic Ms. Eriguchi in another job, writing pre-recorded advertisements. Taking on a ‘leadership’ role, she fills in for Mr. Kiyota. His life work is creating enlightening content to go on rice cracker packages. But at a point, he had to take a mental health break after failing to find a wife.

Whereas putting up posters in a neighborhood as a job may seem nothing glamorous, that is until it gets competitive. She inadvertently gains a mysterious adversary who posts competing signage. Finally in her last of five jobs rounds, she joins a national park’s maintenance crew. Her job is to monitor the forest from a small hut, surrounded by peculiarities such as a local soccer team’s lost apparel, missing breadfruit and a book from her pre-burnout life.

“I’d like it if this would help readers to know that even if they encounter feelings of despair in their working lives, it doesn’t have to be the end. Something else will come around.”

The narrator navigates each workplace’s demands and relationships with various coworkers. Gradually she becomes aware of a meaning underlying all endeavors in life, even those that seem bizarre. Each of the jobs, despite the increasingly absurd series of events, validates the interconnectedness of all actions.

It’s the kind of novel that presents a swathe of tangled threads, trusting the reader to weave together the connections on their own.

How Hard Is It To Find Meaning In The Modern Workplace?

“I was first drawn to the boldness of the concept. I remember reading a summary before reading the text itself and just thinking, ‘There’s no way that something like that can work,’” says translator Barton in an interview with The Japan Times. “And then I found myself as a reader so drawn in, just wanting to immerse in that world forever. It seemed like such a coup. Given that it was a book entirely about work. And we find out really nothing about the private life of the narrator,” says Barton.

The novel finishes with a dose of wisdom about karma, extolling trust in the “ups and downs” of the universe. The narrator solves the jewel smuggling caper. She observes the mysterious power of spoken words. And then creates meaning in the mundane, and subverts the activities of a cult.

Finally, she helps another victim of burnout syndrome to reenter society. All while taking steps in her own recovery toward essential work.

For Tsumura, who sets many of her stories within the realm of working life, the English publication of her book is well-timed. The ongoing pandemic and an increase in remote work has forced many people to reevaluate their working lives and how it affects their search for a fulfilling life.

Hope For The World Of Jobs, Work, Life, Satisfaction And Despair

Tsumura recently told Barton that, “The narrator changes jobs many times, experiencing both satisfaction and frustration. But ultimately, she keeps on moving forward. Sometimes voluntarily, and sometimes pushed on by her situation. I’d like it if this would help readers to know that even if they encounter feelings of despair in their working lives, it doesn’t have to be the end. Something else will come around.”

There’s No Such Thing as an Easy Job, by Kikuko Tsumura has 416 pages and is translated by Polly Barton.

In a time of both misinformation and too much information, quality journalism is more crucial than ever. By subscribing to Japan Times (the first place where the original of this write up was first featured), you can help them get more story right.

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Worklife In The Academia Of Columbia University

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Worklife in the academia of Columbia University

This is a series on worklife in the academia and it will feature ‘worklife’ programs and services offered by different universities or institutions of learning. We will showcase how each institution gives their stakeholders, “dreamed of” work and life experiences. In this edition, we are focusing on worklife in the academia of Columbia University.

Columbia University has an office of work/life. There are six areas of focus which describes the different services and assistance available to patrons. They are; well-being, housing and relocation, child care and schooling, breastfeeding, adult and elder care and faculty recruitment.

Columbia University’s office of work/life fosters the well-being of the Columbia community and its people in their pursuit of meaningful and productive academic, personal, and work lives.

Six Key Focus Areas of Columbia University Office of Worklife

Well-Being: Information provided in this section includes details about food and nutrition, physical activity, and weight management. Assistance on how to find a gym discount or join a wellness challenge.

Since this is the space about staying healthy, there is ample promotion on positive mental and emotional health. Others are how to build social connectedness, support on getting you relaxed and stress management techniques.

Sleep health therapy is promoted so that stakeholders body and mind can rest and recharge.

Housing and Relocation: Housing information and referral service is provided with mortgage lending program. There is assistance on temporary housing and hotels, relocation, moving guide, rental guide and information about neighborhoods.

Child Care and Schooling: This is set up as a resource to keep parents focused on their day job. There is information on schooling from elementary, to middle then high school. Also available is information on early education, early intervention and special education.

“While we cannot change the realities, we are staying as informed as possible. Columbia colleagues, we are here for you—to think out loud, explore options, and brainstorm potential solutions.”

The School and Child Care Search Service provides expertise and guidance for early education and child care or K-12 schooling options. The services are available either it is for a child under the age of 5 years or a school-age child, 5 years or older?  

Is Half Of Worklife Care for Family Or The Employee?

Breastfeeding: There is a guide to help supervisors and managers work with employees on taking time to express milk during the work day. Support is provided for setting up lactating room or space that will fit the needs of lactating mothers with minimal investment.

Other resources includes step-by-step checklist for preparing return to school or work and a compilation of local, state, and national resources for breastfeeding women.

Adult and Elder Care: Taking care of our own children is as important as taking care of those who took care of us when we were growing up. Columbia University therefore provides a number of services to support those caring for adults or elders. This section highlights programs and policies available at Columbia that may assist caregivers. It has links to many local, state, and federal organizations with helpful resources and information. There is information about senior citizen housing, and long distance elder care-giving.

Faculty Recruitment: Here, support provided includes relocation and transitions especially for newly-recruited faculty members and their families.

Additional Services From Office Of Worklife

Users of the services provided through the office of worklife can also take on additional offerings such as the following.

“Everything that we do is truly to support our community and work toward making Columbia an institution at which people can excel professionally and academically while still being able to enjoy their personal priorities,”

Rebecca Balkin. Assistant Director, Office of Work/Life. 

The Office of Work/Life offers free individualized, 1-1 consultations to help employees navigate the complexities that come with living in and around New York City.

The Uniqueness Of Worklife In The Academia Of Columbia University

Like most organisations, the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is a free, confidential service, that provides counseling, referral, and life coaching services. But the offerings seems endless, and the extent of care and options are diverse.

One thing that can make an environment uncomfortable, despite all the good resources that may be available, is the inability of employees to freely express themselves. Columbia University however is something of a magnet for provocative speakers – invited speakers or members of the community. 

According to Lee C. Bollinger, President of Columbia University “universities are, today, more hospitable venues for open debate than the (US) nation as a whole.” In an article in the Atlantic, while addressing the issue of free speech on campus and President Trumps executive order extending free-speech protections to men and women on campus, Lee said, “when students express concern and discomfort about speech that is hateful, racist, or noxious in other ways, they are doing nothing unreasonable or historically unprecedented.” This is the freedom that allows unfettered release of creativity, and hopefully, connectedness.

Go For It But Do Not Be A Weak Link To Great Worklife Experiences

This is a great time and the reason for this call to employees, students and affiliates of the university, especially those that may be in need of some extra motivation to help themselves. They should turn to the University’s office of Work Life. The office have programs, services, and resources that will help them pursue meaningful and productive academic, personal, and work lives.  

No matter how good some things can be, and no matter how hard we all work, there tends to be some dark corners. This is so, especially when we are dealing with human beings. We trust our colleagues and supervisors to do the right thing. But sometimes, some people feel betrayed. In Columbia’s recent history, a story in the New York Times is a wake up call. Individually and collectively, members of Columbia community should continue to uphold the values that keep healthy worklife on track.

There are two resources to connect with from Columbia Business School. The first is called, “How Do I Find Work-Life Balance?” The other is called, “Why Aren’t My Attempts at Finding Work-Life Balance Successful”. Remember that resources are only provided by the office of worklife to support worklife in the academia of Columbia University. However, achieving worklife balance is a different challenge.

How Do I Find Work-Life Balance?

To the question, how do I find work-life balance? Cali Williams Yost “short answer is, you can’t, because true balance doesn’t exist.” Cali wrote the article above titled, how do I find work-life balance? But he advocated for Work-Life Fit. No matter the pursuit, you can have a great experience using the “worklife fit” resources in the academia of Columbia University in the City of New York.

Changing the face of the world of work and the workplace requires a lot from all stakeholders. This is not just work for those in the human resources department. It is a collaborative effort that also involves all those who are receiving the services.

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Worklife Profits From Slavery Changed Scottish Highlands Landscape

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Profits From Slavery Changed Scottish Highlands Landscape_ Hidden Camera Naked Shots of Oloture_Mo Abudu

image: The Guardian UK/Mo Abudu/Premium Times/Hidden Camera Naked Shots of Òlòtūré/Worklife Profits From Slavery Changed Scottish Highlands Landscape

Money earned through enslavement work played a key role in the eviction of Highlanders in the 18th and 19th centuries, study finds.

Between roughly 1750 and 1860, in living their life and doing their work, wealthy landowners forcibly evicted thousands of Scottish Highlanders in order to create large-scale sheep farms. Known today as the Highland Clearances, this era of drastic depopulation sparked the collapse of the traditional clan system. Additionally, it led to the mass migration of Scotland’s northernmost residents to other parts of the world.

“Others benefited indirectly by inheriting money or marrying into families that had profited from enslavement.”

As Alison Campsie reports for the Scotsman, new research argues that this pivotal period in Scottish history had close ties to the enslavement of people in British colonies. During the period, a cadre of individuals enriched by slavery evicted at least 5,000 people from their property. Thereby buying up more than one million acres of land relinquished during the clearances.

Indirect Worklife Profits From Slavery

Iain MacKinnon of Coventry University and Andrew Mackillop of the University of Glasgow detailed their findings in a discussion paper published by Community Land Scotland, a nonprofit that represents the country’s community landowners.

A field of green grass with a glimpse of grey sky behind; in the foreground, low stacked walls of flat rocks form the remains of terraces built into a sloping hill
Ruins of farms on Fuaigh Mòr, an island evicted during the Highland Clearances (Public domain via Wikimedia Commons)

The pair’s research also features in a new episode of “Eòrpa,” a BBC current-affairs show anchored by journalist Ruairidh MacIver.

The episode is not accessible in the United States. But United Kingdom based viewers can watch it via the BBC’s website.

Per the Scotsman, MacKinnon and Mackillop found that some landowners made their money from the direct enslavement of individuals on British plantations.

Others benefited indirectly by inheriting money or marrying into families that had profited from enslavement.

“The history of the Highlands in 1700s and 1800s isn’t complete without mentioning slavery. It is where the money was made.”

Losses From Worklife Profits And A National Write Off

All told, beneficiaries of slavery made at least 63 estate purchases during the clearances. They bought up territory that now comprises about 33.5 percent of all the land in the western Highlands and Islands. Adjusted for inflation, the researchers estimate that these buyers spent at least £120 million on land ($158 million USD). Because the authors are missing purchase prices for 22 of the estate sales, the true total is likely much higher.

Similarly, MacKinnon and Mackillop estimates that beneficiaries of slavery evicted at least—but likely more than—5,000 people during the clearances.

Recommended: Hidden Camera Naked Shots Of ÒLÒTŪRÉ

Òlòtūré is a film about modern slavery. Is there a correlation between today’s enslavement and Scottish history of 1700s and 1800s?

The majority of these purchases took place between 1790 and 1855, with peak slavery-related sales taking place in the late 1830s.

These sales coincide with a period in which the British Parliament paid out roughly £20 million to “reimburse” former enslavers. This is for their financial losses after the British Empire formally abolished slavery in 1833. (According to the Scotsman, this compensation amounts to more than £2 billion, or $2.6 billion USD, today.)

John Gordon of Cluny, is a colonel who is described in a separate Scotsman article as “one of the most hated men in Scottish history.” He received the equivalent of £2.9 million as compensation for the more than 1,300 people he had enslaved on plantations in the Caribbean. And he went on to purchase the Scottish islands of Benbecula, South Uist and Barra, evicting nearly 3,000 people in the process.

Assisting Informed Debates On Work Profits From Slavery And Its Legacies

The new study is part of a larger effort among Scottish researchers to illuminate the full story of the country’s ties to slavery. As Mackillop notes in a statement, the pair’s report seeks “to encourage informed debate over the tangled legacies of Scottish society’s substantial and sustained involvement in slavery within the British Empire.”

MacKinnon adds, “It is now clear that returning wealth from Atlantic slavery had an important impact on landownership change in the West Highlands and Islands in the 19th century. And it contributed significantly to the development of extractive and ecologically damaging forms of land use.”

“And many Scots owned humans directly. Especially in countries along the West African coast and in the West Indies.”

As Alasdair Lane reported for NBC News this June, these debates have gained traction in the wake of ongoing Black Lives Matter protests against systemic racism. Scottish merchants played a key role in the trade of enslaved people. And many Scots owned humans directly. Especially in countries along the West African coast and in the West Indies.

Scots have historically been portrayed as “abolitionists and liberal champions.” But their exploitation of Guyana, a country located at the northeastern tip of South America, contradicts this image, wrote Yvonne Singh for the Guardian last year.

Work Profits From Slavery And Reparative Justice

Profits from enslavement work bolstered some of the country’s most renowned institutions.

In 2018, for instance, the University of Glasgow announced that it had received nearly £200 million in today’s money from donors involved in the slave trade, as Helen McArdle reported for the Herald at the time. The university committed to a reparative justice program. They also created a new center for the study of slavery and embarked on collaborative projects with institutions such as the University of the West Indies.

Scottish historian David Alston, compiled a list of individuals with financial investments in both the Highlands and Guyana. This is as part of his two-decade investigation of the relationship between slavery and the Highlands. He tells the Herald’s Jody Harrison that “[t]he more I’ve studied this, I think that you really don’t understand the history of Scotland or the history of the Highlands unless you understand the importance of the slave trade in that history.”

Alston adds, “The history of the Highlands in 1700s and 1800s isn’t complete without mentioning slavery. It is where the money was made.” In living their life and doing their ‘work‘, wealthy individuals worklife profits from slavery changed the course of history for several generations. Many dead, much more, yet unborn.

The original version of this article as written by Nora McGreevy was first published on the Smithsonian Magazine

Nora McGreevy is a freelance journalist based in Chicago. Her work has appeared in Wired, Washingtonian, the Boston Globe, South Bend Tribune, the New York Times and more. She can be reached through her website, noramcgreevy.com. Follow her @mcgreevynora

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The Power Of Personal Profile – Warwick Business School

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THE POWER OF PERSONAL PROFILE - WARWICK BUSINESS SCHOOL_wbs

There is a lot of power and developmental transformation that you can mine from your personal profile if you can just give it the right attention and focus.

Your personal profile is beyond what is written. It is beyond the personal descriptive statement that you put on your social media ‘DP’ or on your resume. It is what characterize who you are, your accomplishments, strength and skills. This is about your future riding on your past.

Personal profile can be one of the most powerful elements in your business armoury, but you have to know what tools and techniques will help you build it, protect it and drive your success. Culturally, many of us are brought up not to “toot our own horns” or “shout about our successes.” But in today’s highly competitive world, if you don’t stand out, you’re likely to watch those with a higher profile pass you by on their way to the top. 

Throughout this interactive and practical session, Vanessa will share stories from her career; starting in Banking in the City at 16 and her rise to the C-suite. 

Vanessa will provide the top tips she’s picked up in corporates, as an entrepreneur and as a network leader, and encourage you to become comfortable with raising your profile.

The Power of Profile – Toot Your Horns

THE POWER OF PERSONAL PROFILE - WARWICK BUSINESS SCHOOL
  • How to stop feeling like an imposter
  • How to focus on your personal brand and exhibit leadership behaviours
  • The importance of networking and building relationships for the future
  • Speed networking – Getting to know your fellow guests
  • Optimising your digital footprint 
  • Coach, Mentor, Sponsor – who can help you drive your career
  • The importance of giving back. 

Vanessa will provide guidance on a wide array of profile -raising opportunities that are easy to implement straight away.

She’ll help you take the next steps towards raising your profile and attracting opportunities to progress in your career and help others too.

Interested?

The Power of Personal Profile: Event Date: 25 November 2020

Email WBS
Click and book this event

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Hidden Camera Naked Shots Of Òlòtūré

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Hidden Camera Naked Shots of Oloture_Mo Abudu

image: The Guardian UK/Mo Abudu/Premium Times/Hidden Camera Naked Shots of Òlòtūré

On Mo Abudu’s Instagram page, luciandos2 wrote, “as a lady from Edo state, Nigeria, watching Òlòtūré ring bells in my head. You left no stone un-turned on this one.”

Few years ago, we got a good glimpse into modern slavery through CNN’s hidden camera naked shots. It was the CNN Freedom Project to ending modern-day slavery. Good that came up before Òlòtūré (“Endurance”) came on stage.

From the CNN Freedom Project documentary, Nima Elbair started out by telling us that we are watching the auction of human beings in the 21st century. This is as she went underground as a prospective candidate, to be trafficked to Europe. She is dark in complexion!

Kristie Lu Stout says, “it is when your freedom is denied, that is when you really feel it.” This and many other reports came in as the CNN Freedom Project shines light on stories of modern-day slavery all over the world.

It is a global problem, an age long trade, that leaves no country or group of people as saints.

Tobore Ovuorie And Her Investigative Journalistic Work

The CNN work and that of others was followed up by Nigeria’s Premium Times Newspaper. They did an investigative work inside Nigeria’s ruthless human trafficking mafia. And their report was published on August 12, 2014. After them, the baton was given to Mo Abudu which has led to the production of Òlòtūré.

Tobore Ovuorie of Premium Times was motivated by years of research into the plight of trafficked women in the country. The loss of a friend also pushed her to go undercover in a multi-billion dollar criminal enterprise. She emerged bruised and beaten, but thankfully alive. This was after witnessing orgies, big money deals in jute bags, police-supervised pick-pocketing, beatings and even murder. This is her story.

Help From The Wrong Quarters

Tabore wanted to break through the hypocrisy and official propaganda. She was determined to show how, every day, criminals in Nigeria are helped by the powerful, to enslave fellow young citizens.

Hidden Camera Naked Shots - Òlòtūré

She gave herself a new name, ‘Oghogho.’ This helped her to connect with another Oghogho I., who is an accomplished, and wealthy human trafficker.

Oghogho I. told Tabore, “don’t worry about crossing borders and getting caught. Immigration, customs, police, army and even foreign embassies are part of our network. You only run into trouble with them if you fail to be obedient to us.”

Tabore said two of the trafficked sex workers she interviewed had tried to find help at Nigerian embassies in Madrid and Moscow. It was a wrong step. They soon realized that the very embassy officials from whom they had sought deportation, had immediately informed their pimps. 

Even as close as November 17th, 2020, Premium Times reported that the Nigerian Embassy in Germany suspended a senior Embassy security staff. His offence, an allegation that he solicited sex from a woman before renewing her passport. What prompted an immediate action was a video that went viral.

To Every Labor And ‘Work’ There is Profit

How will you define “work?”

Merriam-webster dictionary defines work in different ways. We will focus on the first three definitions. The first is, work is to perform or fulfill duties regularly for wages or salary. The second is, work is to perform or carry through a task requiring sustained effort or continuous repeated operations. And the third definition is, work is to exert oneself physically or mentally especially in sustained effort, for a purpose or under compulsion or necessity.

From the three definitions, every task, duties or action undertaken during slavery and by compulsion is work. And it has its own industry.

Recommended: Profits From Slavery Changed Scottish Highlands Landscape

The slave trade of the 16th to 19th century that took away West Africans as slaves to the rest of the world was profitable “work” to both locals and foreigners. The foreigners did not go into the inter land. Local chiefs coordinated the attack (evil “work”) on innocent people. They were the ones who held them as captives before sending them over to the foreigners once their ships arrived. The foreigners took away the human cargo, just as they took away raw farm produce. Both, were simply goods for commercial business transactions.

Hidden Work, Naked Profits

Today, Oghogho I. too is profiting from her business.

Tabore reported that Oghogho I. owned four luxury cars, and two houses in Edo State. And that she was busy completing the building of a third house near the Warri airport in Delta State. Others she had met through her initial ‘call girl’ exploits were also clearly on their way to “riches” too.

Priye was set to go back to the Netherlands, where she worked before, to become a ‘madam’. Ivie and Precious were quite happy to go back to Italy. She narrated that, “Precious had already made enough money to start building her own house in Enugu, a city that is located halfway in between Abuja and Port Harcourt.”

Hidden Camera Naked Shots: Òlòtūré Official Trailer

Through Òlòtūré’s hidden camera and naked shots, the difficult realities of these women, particularly those who were sexually exploited, comes to light. It shows how they are recruited and trafficked overseas for commercial gain.

In just days after its debut, Òlòtūré has become the top watched movie in Nigeria. And it is among the top 10 watched movies in the world on Netflix.

CNN Shines Light On Òlòtūré’s Bright Light

Aisha Salaudeen also did a report for CNN titled, New Nollywood film shines a light on human trafficking in Nigeria.

Mo Abudu_Ebonylife TV_Òlòtūré
Mo Abudu, Executive Producer of Òlòtūré

She reported that human trafficking is a $150 billion global industry. And that according to a 2014 report by the International Labor Organization, two-thirds of this figure is generated from sexual exploitation.

The film Òlòtūré is also doing well in countries like Switzerland, Brazil, and South Africa because it is authentic and “deals with the truth,” Abudu said.

“EbonyLife has done seven movies. But this is the most impactful one we have ever done. And the most important.”

The National Agency for the Prohibition of Trafficking in Persons (NAPTIP) is the law enforcement agency in charge of combating human trafficking in Nigeria. They want the film to be made available to people in rural communities who don’t have access to Netflix.

The International Organization for Migration (IMO) estimates that 91% victims trafficked from Nigeria are women. And based on their traffickers notoriety, they would have sexually exploited more than half of them.

Nigerian Filmmaker Kenneth Gyang Brought The Stories To Life

Hidden Camera Naked Shots - Òlòtūré
Actors pose as sex workers on the set of Netflix original film, Òlòtūré

The film Òlòtūré, was directed by award-winning Nigerian filmmaker, Kenneth Gyang. It features Nollywood stars like Sharon Ooja, Omoni Oboli and Blossom Chukwujekwu.

According to Indiewire, Gyang was already working on a trafficking project when he was approached by EbonyLife in 2019 about Òlòturé.

EbonyLife is Mo Abudu’s production company.

In an interview, Gyang said he was inspired to make the movie after absorbing the experiences of Nigerians suffering in exile around the world.

The Search For ‘Next Level’, Never Always Have A Happy Ending

“I travel a lot, especially in Europe and I see Nigerian sisters, West African sisters in dark corners of countries like Luxembourg,” Gyang said. “But I was especially outraged by a BBC documentary series a few years ago. It was about a Nigerian girl who left to go to Europe because she was promised work. But she ended up in Agadez [Niger]. She was then sold to different men everyday to make enough money that could get her to Libya.”

Getting enough money was never certain, and same with the dangerous desert trip to Libya.

Hidden Camera Naked Shots - Òlòtūré
Ebonylife TV

The film concludes on a very bleak note, with Òlòtūré’s fate uncertain.

Though it’s not quite the happy ending that audiences might be hoping for. For the filmmaker, that’s the point.

“I didn’t want a ‘Hollywood ending’ for this film because I want people to talk about the film. And the only way you can really talk about it is to show the reality of these women’s lives,” Gyang said. “Because very few of them are actually saved in real life.

While Òlòturé is brutal to watch, it however explores a world that only a few know anything about in unflinching detail. Even though those who take the “Òlòturé adventure” brings lots of negative publicity to Africa. This is therefore one other effort to change the African narrative overseas. A change away from stories about poverty, famine, war, disease and despair – what novelist Chimamanda Adichie calls, the danger of the single story. Gyang also wants to tell stories that have social impact and reveal truths that could lead to change.

Past Pains That Stirred The Desire For Change

Mo Abudu_Ebonylife TV_Òlòtūré_I just love what I do

Gyang referenced a 2019 report that said as many as 20,000 Nigerian girls were sold to prostitution rings in the west African nation of Mali alone.

“I watched the report on Al Jazeera and it made me so mad,” he said.

“I didn’t want all that stuff about them being saved because it’s just not the reality of most of these women. And it would not make sense to represent this fantasy that people will watch, and maybe believe that that’s how it ends for most of them, because it’s not the case.”

He’s hopeful that the film could inspire the Nigerian government to act more aggressively on the issue of human trafficking, although that has yet to happen. “I’ve seen a lot of important personalities talking about the film in Nigeria and I think that should get the government’s attention,” he said. 

Mosunmola Abudu (Mo Abudu) is an accomplished woman and she has been described as “Africa’s most successful woman” by Forbes. Abudu is a talk show hostess, TV producer, and human resource management consultant. She is also a media personality, entrepreneur, venture capitalist and a philanthropist.

In her own little way, Mo is contributing to a project that is hopefully, trans-generational in its impact. History records the works of Mary Mitchell Slessor, a Scottish Presbyterian missionary to Nigeria. She was able to stop the killings or abandonment of twins in Cross River State.

Why Is West Africa The Hot Bed Of Slavery?

Think again. 12 million Africans were brought to the Americas as slaves in the 16th to 19th centuries. But today, as at 2012, there are a conservative 21 million fresh human beings who are living in slavery worldwide.

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What Matters Most In Life – Jennifer Lopez And Davido Speaks

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What matters most in life_Material things are becoming useless..

What matters most in life differs at different times and for different people.

Jennifer Lopez says 2020 taught her what ‘matters most’ in life during E! People’s Choice Awards speech. But she is not the only one catching a rainbow in the sunshine. Popstar and multiple award-winning artiste, Davido also had a moment of reflection on life. He gave a good guess on what he thinks matters most in life.

“Oh, my God 2020 man, 2020 was no joke, right?” Lopez said while accepting the Icon Award.

“I mean, before 2020 we were obsessing about winning this award, getting nominated for that award. We were caught up on who sold the most records or who had the biggest box office opening or crazy stuff. This year was the great leveler. It showed us what mattered, what didn’t and for me, reinforced what matters most, people.”

Lopez had a few surprises before she began her speech. Nicole Kidman, Renee Zellweger and her children were among those who appeared virtually to share their admiration.

Is This What We All Want?

“Helping each other, loving each other, being kind to each other. And the importance of that connection, that human touch. And I realize it’s what I strive for in everything I do, to reach people, to touch people. I believe that’s what we all want, shared experiences, to know that we’re not in this alone,” Lopez went on to say.

“Your belief and your faith in me motivates me to keep going. And sometimes when I’m tired or beaten down like a lot of us have been this year, it’s my family, my friends, my babies and my fans – you guys, who have lifted me up when I couldn’t lift myself.”

Lopez began her career as a dancer on “In Living Color” before finding success as an actor, singer and producer.

She spoke about perseverance. “As a Latina and as a woman, we have to sometimes work twice as hard to get the opportunity. Sometimes my big dreams and my ambitions made the people around me nervous. People would say, you’re a dancer, you can’t be an actress. The more they said I couldn’t, the more I knew that I had to,” she said.

“So now here I stand, so very grateful, knowing that the true measure of my success is not in box office numbers or records sold but from the love that I feel from all of you and yes, I feel it.”

Material Things Are Becoming Useless

What matters most in life can change with the loss of a dear friend. Popstar, Davido, known to flaunt his wealth and jewelry on social media stated that material things are becoming useless to him. 

“I feel like material things are just becoming useless to me every day.” The Fem singer said while being featured on Apple Music Radio’s Africa Now with DJ Cuppy. 

“I just lost a friend, he is from Zimbabwe, he was my very close friend. He was an amazing, and a very great and loving guy, Ginimbi. What did he not have? He had it all,” he said.

“At the end of the day what his death made me realize is that all we have in this life is the air we breathe. You might be poor or rich but whatever situation you find yourself just be happy that you are alive,” he went on to say.

Davido’s new album release has a perky song that opens the LP, “Fem” (“Shut Up”). It recently became a protest song for Nigerians demonstrating to end police brutality and corruption. He have already proved himself across Africa and Europe, and sung alongside American and British superstars. He have been signed to multinational labels, and his music have drawn millions of streams.

Image: Jennifer Lopez, People’s Icon of 2020, accepts the award onstage for the 2020 E! People’s Choice Awards. Photo by Christopher Polk/E! Entertainment/NBCU/Photo Bank via Getty Images/grapejuice

Image: Davido/ghgossip

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Joe Biden Work-Life Balance Memo To His Staff

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Joe Biden work-life balance memo to his staff

There is a Joe Biden work-life balance memo that is trending on twitter. It is a note that he sent out to his staffers in 2014 before Thanksgiving.

What is interesting about this memo? It is the show of care. The desire that those who work with him then should have a work-life that balance family commitment with work demands.

Dan Barker shared the memo on Twitter, and he urged that it be read in full. Adding that the politician’s personal losses may have pushed him into writing the note to his staffers. Mr Biden’s son Beau, died from cancer. Likewise, his first wife Neilia and infant daughter Naomi sadly passed away in a car crash in 1972.

Go through the content of the memo below.

image credit: Facebook

“To My Wonderful Staff,” the letter begins.

“I would like to take a moment and make something clear to everyone. I do not expect nor do I want any of you to miss or sacrifice important family obligations for work.

Family obligations include but are not limited to family birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, any religious ceremonies such as first communions and bar mitzvahs, graduations, and times of need such as illness or a loss in the family.

This is very important to me. In fact, I will go so far as to say that if I find out that you are working with me while missing important family responsibilities, it will disappoint me greatly.

This has been an unwritten rule since my days in the Senate.

Thank you all for the hard work.”

Recommended: Employee Burnout And Worklife Balance Got CEO’s Talking

Joe Biden Work-Life Balance Life Lessons

The mirror shared some responses on twitter to the memo. The Joe Biden work-life balance memo to his staff should be another wake up call to bosses who still see the relationship between work and life differently. It is more important to those leaders who believe that the only relationship they can or should have with their staffers, is how to meet the bottom line. Or how they can ‘use’ people to achieve their personal ambition.

No! There is a better way.

As Alex Bostanian wrote in the entrepreneur magazine, “life is similar to walking on a tightrope, where we have to skillfully balance our career and personal life to reach our goal successfully.”

He continues, “our work-life and our personal life are two very important pillars. While work allows us to earn a living to fulfill our essential needs, our personal life brings us peace, happiness, and intangible fulfillment. Work is an essential part of our daily lives. Concurrently, we must always remember to reserve time for ourselves, our family, and our friends. Our personal development and personal relationships are just as necessary as our career growth.”

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Elusive Work-Life Balance In Bangkok; Ranked 43rd Out Of 50

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Work-life balance elusive

Bangkok ranked 43rd out of 50 major cities worldwide for qualities that make working and living easier. People in Bangkok struggle to achieve a work-life balance. The city is ranked 43rd out of 50 major cities worldwide for qualities that make working and living easier. This is according to Kisi, a US-based security specialist. But you may be wondering, how elusive is work-life balance in Bangkok?

The results are based on an analysis of 19 factors grouped under three broader themes — work intensity, society and institutions, and urban livability. These are themes that the researchers believe, affects working life overall. And therefore, based on those criteria, top nine European cities emerged from the 2020 survey. The nine cities were led by Oslo, Helsinki and Copenhagen in that order. Calgary in Canada rounded out the top 10.

The top-ranked city in Asia was Singapore. It holds the 41st position, with a total score of 64.7. Note that Oslo was assigned a score of 100. Bangkok that scored 59.6 still finished ahead of Hong Kong (45th), Kuala Lumpur (47th) and Seoul (50th).

According to Kisi, the “Best Cities for Work-Life Balance 2020” report assesses “a city’s adoption of smarter working policies.” It also assesses “cities capacity to simultaneously equip residents with the ability to enjoy their leisure time.” This year’s study also took into account how Covid-19 has changed and continues to affect work-life balance.

Understanding Kisi’s Best Cities for Work-Life Balance

“This index is not designed to be a city livability index, nor is it intended to highlight the best cities to work in. Instead, it is an indicator of a city’s ability to provide a healthy work-life balance for its residents. While also providing opportunities to relieve work-related stress,” the company said.

Kisi chose the 50 cities for the survey based on their reputation for attracting professionals and families for their work opportunities and diverse lifestyle offerings. It then gathered and analysed publicly available data on the many factors that affect working life.

Kisi’s Survey – Work Intensity Factors

Work intensity factors included the amount of time a person dedicates to their job. This includes the total working hours, commuting and vacation days taken. Also analysed were unemployment figures. This takes into account the impact of the pandemic, as well as the percentage of people who have had to take up multiple jobs in order to get by as a result.

Kisi’s Survey – Social Factors

Analysis of social factors focused on the extent to which residents receive equal treatment. These are for services such as; access to state-funded health and welfare programmes, as well as institutional support for equality and social inclusivity.

Kisi’s Survey – City Livability Factors

City livability was evaluated based on affordability as well as citizens’ overall happiness, safety and access to wellness and leisure venues.

The two final factors added this year related to Covid-19: overall economic impact and projected percentage change in employment.

Bangkok’s Weak Areas Based on Survey Factors

Work intensity factors that pulled down Bangkok’s ranking included hours worked plus commuting time. Bangkok average 50.7 hours per week on hours worked plus commuting time. It has percentage of the workforce considered overworked at 20.2%; and vacation days taken at just 10 per year.

Bangkok’s ranking was low on city livability factors. Affected areas included a low affordability score of just 38.3 compared with scores of 80 or more for the top 10 cities, and 27.9 for air quality.

Click to read: Elusive Work-Life Balance in Bangkok; Ranked 43rd Out of 50

Source: Bangkok Post

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