Monthly Archives: July 2020

Work Infidelity Sabotages Careers And Love Relationship

‘Work Infidelity’: An Insidious Obstacle That Sabotages Careers And Intimate Relationships

Work Infidelity Sabotages/ Being in an intimate relationship with a workaholic can lead to work infidelity.

Original write up in Forbes was by Bryan Robinson, a contributor to Forbes.

Has your spouse or intimate partner failed to appear at family gatherings too many times because of work? ‘Work infidelity’ is an insidious obstacle that sabotages careers and intimate relationships. No doubt, it can put you in the eye of betrayal?

Probe on and see how far down the road this affair may have gone for you.

“I feel so lonely. You’re here in this house and I feel so lonely.’ At the same time he was saying that, I felt lonely, too. Work was what was filling me up. He wanted me to fill him up, and I couldn’t.”

Has she promised to spend more time with you and not delivered because work comes first? Has he said, “I’ll quit tomorrow,” but tomorrow never comes? Or has she stood you up or kept you waiting because of work?

If you answered yes to these questions, you might be suffering from the effects of work infidelity.

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Put Me At The Center Of Your Life And Plan – Be Warned, Work Infidelity Sabotages

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Getting the right attention is one easy way to know the level of commitment that you have from your partner. There are emotional responses that comes out when work infidelity sabotages. Do you feel cheated on, or alone with the responsibility of holding the relationship together?

Treated as being unimportant or minimized is not the same as feeling so. You need to separate how you feel – an interpretation of different actions – from what the real action is.

“Or I’d tell them I was going to my girlfriend’s house. After calling my girlfriend’s and not finding me, they’d call the office and say, ‘I thought you were going to Dottie’s.’”

Whether it is the actual action or how you feel, you might begin to harbor anger, resentment, sadness or guilt. Crying inwardly to be put back at the center of your partner’s life and plan. Definitely not behind everything else around work schedule.

Married To The Job

There was a time when I needed my work and had to hide it from others. The same way my alcoholic father needed and hid his bourbon. Am at the receiving end of what I tried to do for my father. I once tried to control his drinking by pouring out his booze and refilling the bottle with vinegar. Now, the people who loved me sulked, pleads and tore their hair out trying to keep me. Pleading that I spend time with them, away from work.

Every summer, just before we left on vacation, my spouse would search my bags. Mission, to confiscate any work I planned to smuggle into our rented beach house on the South Carolina shore.

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What a crooked work infidelity expert that I am. Jamey’s search would always miss the tightly folded papers covered with work notes, stuffed into the pockets of my jeans.

‘Come, let us stroll on the beach’ Jamey and our close friends will call out.

‘I have got another relationship to nurture’ I will reply.

Not in those words of course. I will usually say that I was tired and wanted to nap.

Hiding A Work Affair – Postponing Work Infidelity Sabotages

Jamey and our close friends don’t put life on hold, they go off, swimming and playing in the surf, a big relationship builder. Unfortunately, what I considered a big waste of time. Crooked work infidelity expert will secretly work in the empty house, bent over a lap desk, fashioned from a board.

At the sound of their returning footsteps, I will stuff my papers back into my jeans. Hide the board, and stretch out on the bed. Pretending to be asleep.

At the time, I saw nothing strange about my behavior. It is only in hindsight that I see it differently, and coined it as work infidelity. The concealment and deceit of work projects, especially after loved ones put their foot down in order to deal with stress. By this, I mean, something quite different from saying that I worked hard.

Work infidelity defended me against unwelcome emotional states. Modulating anxiety, sadness, and frustration, the way a pothead uses dope and an alcoholic uses booze. This is my own way to get my fix. And I am not alone. But it is essential to create a ‘no-work’ buffer to guard against work, creating after-hours work tension.

Romancing The Grindstone

Sometimes, partners feel jealous, even suspicious that their mate is having an affair. This comes from the long and late hours he or she spends away from home. You’ve probably heard the old adage, that some people are “wedded to their work.” If you suffer from work infidelity, you don’t tolerate obstacles to working.

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Case in point, Mildred committed work infidelity to deal with the stress and anxiety caused by her husband’s expectation that she be home with him by 5:00 p.m.

She told him she’d enrolled in an aerobics class after work. Her husband was thrilled that she was finally taking an interest in activities outside work.

But the truth was that, Mildred was working two hours overtime. She changes in her office from business outfit to aerobic garb. Tousling her hair and dampening her tights with water, all to convince her husband that she was coming around.

Follow The Worker Soaked in Infidelity – You Will Follow The Money

Work infidelity causes projects to go everywhere the worker goes, regardless of what family or friends say. Don’t laugh, check briefcases or luggage, under car seats, in glove compartments, in car trunks, beneath spare tires, or in dirty laundry bags. Fight-back fantastic ideas comes up, which also get it more interesting when it is stuffed inside pants or a skirt.

Catch in infidelity, and they will find an excuse. To avoid being caught, I try harder to even avoid an excuse. Work projects then get hidden in a secret compartment of another person’s suitcase, unknown to that person.

Once workaholics start bootlegging their work compulsions, you might as well admit it: they’re desperate. They must get their fix at all costs. Even if it means being deceitful and dishonest, even if it hurts the ones they love the most.

Concealing Work Love Relationship

Elizabeth confessed: “I remember my ex-husband saying to me, ‘I feel so lonely. You’re here in this house and I feel so lonely.’ At the same time he was saying that, I felt lonely, too. Work was what was filling me up. He wanted me to fill him up, and I couldn’t.”

If your partner is like most people suffering from work infidelity, she will cave in to your demands. This is a strategy to conceal work by pleasing you and avoid criticisms. Much like alcoholics who hide beer bottles.

Kate’s work projects became her weekend lover. She lied to her family so she could rendezvous with work at the office.

“I’d tell my family I was going shopping on a Saturday and I’d end up in my office working. Or I’d tell them I was going to my girlfriend’s house. After calling my girlfriend’s and not finding me, they’d call the office and say, ‘I thought you were going to Dottie’s.’ I felt like I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.”

In his book Working, Studs Terkel described how the broadcast executive Ward Quaal concealed his working from his family. “Although I don’t go to the office on Saturday or Sunday, I do have mail brought out to my home for the weekend. I dictate on Saturday and Sunday. When I do this on holidays like Christmas, New Year’s and Thanksgiving, I have to sneak a little bit, so the family doesn’t know what I’m doing.”

Work Infidelity Sabotages ‘Til Death Do Us Part

Have you put life on hold because of a mate who suffers from work infidelity? If so, you could be enabling the very behavior you wish to erase from your life. Many partners and spouses build their lives around the work infidelity because they want to feel connected and supportive. That’s natural, right?

But molding your life around this malady only leads to more disappointment and enabling. The key to avoid enabling, when you’re desperate to spend time with your partner, is to stop postponing your life.

If you plan a trip to the zoo with the kids and your spouse cancels (for the umpteenth time) because of last-minute job demands, go without her.

When your main squeeze promises to be home in time for dinner and never shows, consider eating on time without him. And, instead of putting dinner on the table at midnight, let him fix his own meal. Not out of anger, but out of self-care.

Click here to view original web page at www.forbes.com

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Super Spoiler Toxic Work Trait People Think Is Healthy

The Super Toxic Work Trait Most People Think Is Healthy—Spoiler: It's Not

You definitely do not consider yourself to have a super spoiler toxic work trait. No doubt, you are a sincere master multi-tasker. You are working super hard to earn your pay, meet your personal priorities and move ahead of no one but yourself. You are competing with no one else, but you.

What Is Super Spoiler Toxic Work Behaviour?

Without a shrug, you can take an emergency work call while pulling carpool duty (hands-free, of course). You can chow down on a family dinner while sending a few last-minute emails to the team.

“There is absolutely no such thing as work-life balance”Dr. Appleton

And you can even take a client to a yoga class so you can mark two things off your to-do list at once. But is this idea of work-life balance really healthy? Dr. Daryl Appleton, psychotherapist and Fortune 500 executive coach, actually tells us that this type of work-life overexertion is toxic.

Wait, how exactly is trying to achieve work-life balance toxic?

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Don’t agree with this, but read it twice, thrice. “There is absolutely no such thing as work-life balance,” Dr. Appleton puts bluntly. “We will never work 40 hours and then rest 40 hours. It’s impossible. This wild goose chase leaves us feeling less fulfilled and even more burnout.”

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So what’s wrong with the fallacy of work-life balance? You’re putting endless unnecessary pressure and guilt on yourself to achieve a “balance” that will never happen. The result is that you feel even more depleted. This is toxic as it keeps you in a vicious cycle where you can never win, which means you can’t grow. In a sense, chasing work-life balance traps you.

How do you know if you’re guilty of this?

Well, first of all, so many of us are guilty of this cycle. Work-life balance is preached from every corner of the corporate ladder. So you’re not alone.

And you know you’re experiencing toxic levels of it when, according to Dr. Appleton, you feel like nothing is ever accomplished.

You feel guilty about missing things in life or at work. To tick the box, you go through the motions of self-care because it’s “scheduled”, rather than because you’re actually engaged and mindfully practicing it.

Next time please! “You push off deadlines or work to do the ‘fun stuff’ and end up in a bigger work-hole. What is the fall out, you ignore your health and relationships to get work done, thinking ‘I have a vacation in a few months,’” Dr. Appleton expands.

Click here to view original web page at www.yahoo.com

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Career Trajectory On Ventilator, COVID Took My Ambition

Career Trajectory On Ventilator

(Photo: nyt. An intensive care bed at University Hospital Dresden in Germany. To the right of the bed is a ventilator and infusion equipment.Credit…Ronald Bonss/Picture Alliance. Career Trajectory On Ventilator)

Career ambitions are in different battle zones, mostly uncharted, just like the new normal. Working from home has changed the location and size of the trenches.

Fighting in hand to hand combats, and shooting at close range in the office for superiority has stopped. But punching the screen during zoom meetings are the new normal for some.

‘Hit the break’, furlough shout out.

‘Take the retrenchment pill and stop the pain’, another senior officer ordered. ‘We may lose more men and women, but not this battle front’.

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‘Where is my career, it was on a fast lane trajectory, few months ago.’

A young officer stumbled out of a heap of rubble. He has five stars on his jacket shoulder. And a super high flyer-duper CEO potential tag on his helmet.

COVID-19 Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor fighter aircraft just dropped Coronavirus GBU-39 Small diameter virus bomb, a 250-pound, GPS-guided munition.

“I embraced the rat race before I knew I was a rat.”

He survived furlough, a sack, pay cut, and work from home. As a super essential staff, he still goes to the office everyday. He staggers, trying to hold the air to stabilize himself, finding it difficult to escape the survivor guilt.

‘Sit down now’, commander work life balance ordered.

‘You cannot escape the smoke, dust and flying rubble splinters. The impact of the dropped Coronavirus GBU-39 Small diameter virus bomb is deadly. It is already all over you. Your career trajectory is on a ventilator’.

‘Career trajectory on ventilator, help,’ he cries out.

Video Game – Super Mario Career Trajectory On Ventilator

In the video game Super Mario, the goal is to get coins, and hit blocks. Get sharp eyes to look for shortcuts, and importantly, run whenever possible to level up.

“Unless absolutely necessary, never stop running. Remember, you have a time limit to finish the level, and the faster you get through, the better your score will be,” states the WikiHow page on the game.

It is an ominous warning. For as long as I can remember, this was eerily analogous to my career trajectory which began way before entering the workforce.

“Never mind that my goalposts shifted as soon as I reached them. The overall goal was to keep running. Whether that meant hitting the next promotion, getting a salary increase, or doubling down on ambition.”

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Along with many Singaporean millennials, I learnt the importance of dreaming big, being passionate and giving my all from young. I firmly believed hard work and passion were the two unicorn coins I had to grab and hold to proceed to the next level in life.

In school, this translated into zealous goal-setting and over achievement. Every milestone was a fleeting but significant dopamine hit that left me wanting more. Running to get more and more, even as I got to all the “coins” and “blocks” I was supposed to.

Type A Person, Rate Race and Halted Career Trajectory

I embraced the rat race before I knew I was a rat. This made my first few years in the workforce relatively breezy.

Like any self-respecting Type A person, my body was chronically attuned to ambition. Never mind that my goalposts shifted as soon as I reached them. The overall goal was to keep running. Whether that meant hitting the next promotion, getting a salary increase, or doubling down on ambition.

Then my video game was short circuited by, well, the circuit breaker.

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When I was made to slow down, I realised many of my old habits were unsustainable. Not least my relationship with career and ambition. The hamster wheel was all I knew, but it could not continue.

AN UNHEALTHY DEFINITION OF SUCCESS

Unless you’re one of the psychotic few who’s managed to be productive during a pandemic, COVID-19 has forced most of us to reconsider our somewhat acceptable working cultures.

Stuck at home, the performative aspects of work have fallen away. Joined in the same locker room like normal staff, you no longer feel the need to dress up for work or engage in office politics. The new normal superiority contest trenches has no room yet, for keeping tabs on which colleagues are getting plum assignments.

Many have long gathered their core sense of identity from professional accomplishments, turbocharged by social norms and cultural expectations.

A New Normal For Ambition And Super Charged Career Trajectory

When we are this focused on constantly striving for more, the enforced slower pace of life can be more uncomfortable than expected. This is the time to rethink our idea of ambition, even if it can be disorienting. Start early, because it requires a shift in perspective for what we’ve been told is a fundamental part of our identity.

On one hand, not everyone has the luxury to use this down time to reflect on broader values and beliefs. That is no excuse, even though you’re stressing over financial fallout or have to deal with retrenchment.

But while grappling with uncertainty can make you more determined to hold onto any remaining semblance of control over your lives, now is the time for change.

Start now, by meticulously planning your ‘rebirth’ career trajectory in the new normal. The need to redefine professional ambition isn’t a bad thing.

Click here to view original web page at www.channelnewsasia.com

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Quote Diaries – Create Destiny Every Single Day

Quote Diaries - Create Destiny Every Single Day

Quote Diaries – Create Destiny

My dear friend, create destiny every single day.
I cannot imagine not creating one every life day. 
Not that it is very easy to do, each of every life day. 
But what is a life not lived to the full every life day?

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Top Ten Ways to Create Your Own Destiny

Are there ten ways to do this or Patrick Snow is just kidding? He wrote a book on the topic that is available on Amazon. Should that suggest that he might just have some ideas?

What are the top five passions in life? What are your most audacious, boldest goals in life?

Do we control our own destinies? 90 percent of people think and act as if their destiny is foreordained, while only about 10 percent believe in the capacity to change and act on it.

“Put your own fate exactly where it belongs-in your hands”

Create your own destiny; plan, dream, and execute a better future-despite the challenges of the economy and life circumstances.

In Creating Destiny, Where is Family, Wealth and Health?

Put family ahead of work. No one ever found himself or herself on the
deathbed wishing they had spent more time at the office away from family. Wealth without health is not worth its weight in gold. Nevertheless, like John Addison, you need to “do today what others won’t do, so you can have tomorrow what others won’t have.”

Kevin Daum’s 7 Tips for Creating Your Own Destiny

Get up and be counted, that is the way the question sounds. Are you working on your life or just living in it? It is wrong to appear as a mere spectator on this crucial trip. Therefore, start the press up and heavy lifting, plan and execute life and career strategies worthy of your potential.

Get an accountability partner(s) but ignore the naysayers – This is someone or people you can engage on your preferred future. You should also be ready to commit to help them achieve theirs.

“If you want something bad enough, tell enough others what it is that you want. Sooner or later someone or something will show up in your life and help you get it.” — W. Clement Stone

Have preferred future birthdays as milestones for a review – This will be time to examine and discuss the details of every aspect of your lives, personal and professional, to achieve integrated success and happiness.

The game of life rewards the right players. We have a huge part to play in order to determine and obtain the life that truly makes us happy.

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Slow Down Taste Life, Says Cheryl Day

Cheryl Day Wants You to Slow Down and Taste the Sweet Life

Slow down taste life, Cheryl Day wants you to slow down and taste the sweet life. When you are open to learning, you will learn. Open your eyes and heart, the world is full of wisdom, and they are hidden in unusual places.

Cheryl Day runs her beloved Back in the Day Bakery in Savannah, Georgia. She runs the 17-year-old bakery with her husband Griffith Day and the two have also written best-selling cookbooks together. Her first solo cookbook with Artisan books will be released in Fall 2021.

Julia Turshen spoke with Day about what drives her and what measures she’s put in place to ensure longevity. We have all got a lot to learn from someone who shows us day in, day out, that biscuits matter just as much as boundaries. And that heritage matters, just as much as legacy.

Interview Extract To Slow You Down and Taste Sweet Life

How are you able to do business on your own terms?

I cannot imagine not creating my own destiny every single day. There’s stress that comes with that, but we still love it. We started this on our own. No investors. Still no investors.

“If we want to change something, we can do that on a dime.”

How have you gone about setting boundaries for yourself?

We changed our hours about a year ago. We’re open Thursday to Sunday. We used to be open Tuesday through Saturday and then we dropped Tuesday and added Sunday so we were just closed on Mondays.

“I had to get a little broken before I learned I needed to fix these things.”

Now on days when you’re not in the bakery, what are you doing?

I’m writing or I’m practicing self-care. Sometimes I get a facial in the middle of the day. I started a garden growing roses and herbs. I had to get a little broken before I learned I needed to fix these things.

“We try not to talk about work at home.”

Do you and Griffith have any parameters around your work life and your personal life?

When we get home, if we have to ride around the block a couple of times we will. We try not to talk about work at home.

The above is an extract from an interview by Julia Turshen, founder of Equity at the Table (EATT) and author of Now & Again. See link below to the original web publication.

Click here to view original web page at www.foodandwine.com

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Don’t Play It Safe, Don’t Shorten Your Career And Life

Don't Play It Safe, Don't Shorten Your Career And Life

I have played it safe many times, that was when I was growing up. And I must say, I paid very dearly during those times. Don’t play it safe, it can be expensive. But don’t rush into things in a rash, that will also get from you, a leg and a arm. For months, I have tried to work with some colleagues, but there has been no progress.

To get some traction, I pulled out of the alliance, to do things solo. Most have been amazed at the unimaginable success achieved. No one need to remind me that if I am going fast, it is because I went alone. This is a project that should go far, and will benefit everyone. Got stuck again, trying to go far. Tough luck going together with everyone, including the unwilling and the saboteurs. Forced again, halted to a grind, playing it safe, for safety reasons and to go far.

Every time another horrible event happens, I jump out of my skin, and go solo. I just cannot play it safe, else we will all end up losers.

“If you want to go fastgo alone. If you want to go fargo together.” —African Proverb

Science shows what unhealthy job and life habits terminate our careers as well as our lives. Health-related job stress has become a worldwide problem. A Gallup Poll reported that 80% of American workers suffer some type of stress on the job. And half say they need help learning how to manage it. So don’t play it safe when it comes to tackling these enemy forces.

According to research, chronic work and life stress can be just as bad for your mental and physical well-being as smoking cigarettes and can lead to premature death. Here are some bad work and life habits that can contribute to poor health, low job performance and early demise.

Be A Desk Potato

Most people spend an average of 10 hours a day in a car, at the computer or in front of TV. If you sit a lot, you’re more likely to build stress, gain weight and develop heart disease and diabetes. Mounting evidence shows conclusively that one of the biggest factors that contribute to premature death is sitting too much. Death by siting down!

Don’t play it safe with comforting, killing long sitting. Your body was not designed for long periods of sitting. Studies show that ‘parking‘ yourself for more than four to six hours a day puts you at an 80% greater risk of dying from cardiovascular disease.

Regular exercise strengthens the heart, brain, muscles, bones and immune system. It gives you a natural high and a positive outlook on life. Just moving around can cut your risk of sudden cardiac arrest by 92%.

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Have A Pessimistic Outlook

Pessimism is a career and life killer. Don’t play it safe when you need to kick it as if you are in a $100 million reward loaded, world heavy weight boxing bout. Statistics show that on average, pessimists live seven and a half years less than optimists.

Optimism is some of the best medicine to boost your career and life, no matter how dire the circumstances.

Don’t Get Enough Shut Eye

A long-term sleep study shows that people who sleep less than six hours at night have a decline in brain function. Studies show that if you don’t get enough sleep, you’re at greater risk of stroke, and your risk of death from heart disease more than doubles.

Lack of sleep is also linked to depression, impaired immune system function, weight gain, hypertension and Type 2 diabetes.

Grab, Gobble, Gulp And Go

If you’re like many job-stressed Americans (an estimated 75% according to experts), you practice mindless eating because work takes precedence over your well-being. You hit the ground running, grab a Danish, and scurry out the door to work, sloshing coffee on your clothes as you rush to the office.

Maybe you even skip lunch altogether or eat a taco while digging through piles of work at your desk. Perhaps in the evening you throw a frozen dinner in the oven in time to help the kids with their homework. The next morning, you hop on the (not so merry) merry-go-round and repeat the same routine until week’s end.

Now that the pandemic has slowed things down, and perhaps you have been working from home, what changes have you made in that part of your life? What difference have you noticed?

In an attempt to keep your energy up, before now, you use stimulant drinks. If you’re like many frenzied workers, you play it safe with what you eat. You grab, gobble, gulp and go without paying attention to your hunger or taste. When you’re work stressed, eating becomes a task to complete instead of an experience to enjoy.

If you gulp down a Coke, hamburger and fries so you can hurry back to the office, you’re stress eating, which only raises your stress level. You’re feeding your stress instead of managing it. Treat mealtime as a singular activity with value in its own right. Sit down, eat slowly, and chew a few times before swallowing. Paying attention to textures, aromas and flavors of your food help you to relax and enjoy your meal as well as aid in digestion. Plus, it gives your stomach time to tell your brain when it’s full, and you are less likely to eat as much.

Rise And Grind

Some think it’s hip to work 24/7 with no breaks. They proudly announce that they binge for 18 hours or three days on a project with little or no sleep or food—shunning down time or vacations. Shame if the forced lock down or staycation (not vacation) has not been used as a great time of introspection.

If this sounds like you, you can showboat the hustle culture now and wear it as a badge of honor. But in the long run, studies show you will have a slow demise. You cut your career short, destroy your mental and physical health, impair relationships and die an earlier death than your cohorts.

“So many people spend their health gaining wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health”

The hustle lifestyle not only steals your soul, it impairs your mental and physical health,. This is more so, when you play it safe with bad balance in your work life. Tell yourself, there’s a limit to what you can do and put the rest out of the picture. Start to see this attitude not as weakness but strength.

Don’t Play It Safe – Play It Safe

No, that sub title didn’t say, play it safe, read again. It says, don’t play it safe! In different scenarios and circumstance, should it be a single consistent option every time? Statistics show that you have more stamina to continue to take safety risks after a car crash than to continue after a series of psychological defeats.

Fear of failure leads to fear of success. If you seek safety in routine works, but avoiding taking on risky, unfamiliar, unknown, unexplored or the unexpected, you are actually avoiding success. Routines are secure and comforting, but they can become stale and confining.

Studies show that risk takers are happier, smarter and live longer. They climb the company ladder faster, make more money and are more content with their lives. Researchers at the University of Massachusetts found that getting outside your comfort zone can actually extend your life.

“Career growth and a long, healthy life happen outside your comfort zone.”

Studies show that you have a greater chance of achieving success if you stick your neck out. The solution? Stretch yourself. Instead of fleeing from career unknowns, step into the unfamiliar and unexpected, embrace novelty and build your resilience.

What edge can you go to in your work today? Think of it, what unpredictable bridge can you jump off to sprout your wings? What limb can you reach to get to the fruit of the tree?

Click here to view original web page at www.forbes.com

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Where is your friend who makes you smile?

Where are your friends?

Where is your friend is not a question. It is a desperate voice, a deep longing from a friend. The one that walked away. The one you have not found. Who comes to mind? Go search now!

Where is your friend who makes you smile?
The one you pinch the face lovingly in approval.
With whom talk time, the clock cannot regulate.
Only sleepy eyes, weak voice, dare make talk fade.

If true friends always stay, who left without a cry?
Are the friends that leave, not meant to have been?
Is it part of the burden of living, hold, but not forever.
Especially precious life, not things bought and sold.

Where is your friend who makes you smile?
The special one with whom dreams and hopes live.
I did not prepare for day of departure or separation.
That mistake I will never make again with another.

If special friends leave, why do birds fly together?
Why do animals live in communities, without friends?
I saw the face, shared values, the mannerism, the love.
I knew this is who I want to connect with, as a friend.

Where is your friend who makes you smile?
The one you pinch the face lovingly in approval.
With whom talk time, the clock cannot regulate.
Only sleepy eyes, weak voice, dare make talk fade.

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MOST RECENT LIFE IN STYLE POSTS

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The way we were, all of us, products of the way

The way we were, all of us, products of the way

The way we were, all of us, products of the way we were raised. We get tickled, when we see it, us, in our siblings or offspring. But it frees us, if only, we can look, search, and understand, why…?

We are, all of us, products of the way we weren’t raised. Why we do what we do, the way we do it. Why we are, the way we didn’t hope to be, but who we now are. Take a breath, breath, and take in some air … You, all of you, are products of the way you were raised.

“Without that spirit of adventure, life can be a dull business”

Sol, your mother is a lucky woman, you talk to her, the way you are. You tell her your worries, what concerns you, dreams and your fears. Lucky family you have, families that talk, you all became closer daily. ‘Thanks for sharing your feelings’, she always say in her joy of sharing. Meg, you are absolutely correct, even friends like you can’t forget mum. We do say, thanks too mum for talking, even when the news is not good. And many times she reminds us both, to do as she have done for us all. That our kids needs good talk time with us, as much as we got from her.

The Way We Were That Lead Us To Where We Go And Who We Meet

When Biol and I met, we thought we have found our long missing ribs. The joy was exhilarating, finding love, discovering life, getting hope.
There is no doubt we had the greatest move of genuine love emotions. However, not all the times and seasons we spent and shared together, Was memorable for good and bad. Yet, they are memories stuck in us.
Both of us, products of how we were nurtured, short time revealed us.

Alas, maybe we may finally understand, how different we are, all of us.
I know we now understand, we were not the greatest completed puzzle.
I was not the man she idealized, when she fell in love with the real me. The pulls, the troubles, unable to live on the pedestal she erected for me
Never again to face her disappointment, over my decisions, the real me.

Our past is behind, new futures dance in hope. All that we both share,
Are remnants, missed sensations, lost opportunity, caged love, stories. And memories of Biol lives on. In both of us, showed, The Way We Were.
It produced our box-office success stories, drama, trauma and learning.
From ashes of failure, our soundtrack album, that became gold record.

“Our destiny is in the way we were born, in the way we were raised, in the sum of the three of us” — Eleanor Brown

Go Tell A New Story To The World The Way You Are

Go tell a new story to the world, crowd is waiting.
Fight for a new beginning with your life, it’s yours.
Roar like a wounded lion in pain, but still strong.
Discover your self, rarely will another find real you.
Command morning to smile and the night not to scare.
Choose victory and not defeat, player not a victim.
Warrior like you do know, if it has to be, it is up to you.

Mark said he relates with our story from several perspectives.
His own hurts and pains seems evidently replayed in Biol’s love story.
As he narrates his own story, I felt chills run through me, another us?
Give me a break, when will many understand how to break the cycle?

‘My parents were the same way, but we did not find the joy of talking. There was a day I called my parents, for reasons that I don’t remember. And my mother said, “Well, since you’re on the phone, I should tell you”
What she told me, I cannot repeat. I have dumped it into Titanic debris.
Do not cry, I said to myself, it is not the end, I can wake, new from ashes

When I had my son, I acted the same way like them, to “protect” him.
Help, no one understand, why we were, not the way they are. All of us, Products of others, how we were raised, missed sensations, caged love.

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I did not stop to think, I picked up the phone and called our mother. When she answered, I gave her all the facts, carefully, considerately.
Bang! I feel my voice rising, head swelling, blood pulsing in my head. “This has got to stop. You’ve created this crazy family where we never Tell each other anything. We’re meant to worry about each other!”
Mark’s story of that scene ended, he allowed a better scene to unfold.

We are who we are, because of the way we were made. We recognize that both genes, and the environment influence behavior. And because of the way the genes were made, and were raised. And so we, from the environment in which we were raised, we are who we are.

I looked at Biol, she didn’t glance over at me. “Well, you know,” I said. Treading carefully, “like, how it’s not really clear whether it was love,
What we have found, who we have engaged, in our new relationships.

Finally, Biol’s mouth twitched and she spoke. “How is it not clear?”
I realized she couldn’t see it, and maybe never, would never see it.
The way we were, all of us, products of the way we were raised.

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The way we were created from early childhood – dangers and opportunities of the early years of a child

Develop your child early, it is very crucial as it sets the foundation for other lifelong events. This foundation is the strong base that every child need for lifelong learning and the un-wiring of other learning abilities, including cognitive and social development.

Experiences are shaped in the environment that a child is exposed to. While the depth of time in the right environment is key, we should remember that a single traumatic event can have adverse consequences. Early childhood experiences shape the brain, it mold’s the child’s capacity to learn. It dictates how the child will get along with others. And it creates the code that controls how the child responds to daily stresses and challenges.

Why early childhood nurturing is important

Create a nurturing environment for your child. It is a parent’s gift with high stakes. With a forced working from home, as a result of the coronavirus pandemic, parents have had a unique opportunity to mend broken edges.

An excellent caregiver can ensure that children’s good health and nutrition are well taken care of. Parent’s place in a child’s life, through interactions that are emotionally supportive and responsive cannot be replaced by a chat bot, Siri, Alexa and the like.

“Nurturing means more than giving your child food, shelter and clothing. It is about building a healthy and strong emotional relationship (attachment) between you and your child. Means being the person your child can count on for comfort whether he is a fussy infant or a toddler having a temper tantrum. It means being your child’s safe base. The person he can turn to for love, safety and security as he begins to explore the big world around him.” – New York State Parent Guide

The Thirst For A Meaning, Is It In A Zoom Party?

The Thirst For A Meaning, Is It In A Zoom Party?

The thirst for what heals or builds comes only to those who are hungry for it. Blessed are those who hunger and have the thirst for …, for they shall be filled. What do you hunger and thirst for, or what are you running away from discovering? We try to run, we fill our thirst with anything, running away from our thirst. The thirst for the answer to life, for the meaning of life.

The thirst for a meaning is strong, like a parched hole in a frozen desert
Just like you, I look for it everywhere, and in anything I experience
A search for friendship, love, and meaning behind what is unseen

This is about the third time for her, her thirst for a meaning is strong
She is asking if she can do it, why she is doing it, how she will do it

She has become the 'Zoom party' organizer, the go-to specialist
Not a role she is loving or want to do, but I kept urging her on
Even though I also query the idea of a party without a party?
Definitely not a first choice, but to win the battle against coronavirus
The party must go on - with or without a party

'Trying to get my Zoom party going' she mentioned
I could immediately smell the thirst for a meaning unfolding
'Hard work' she said. 'Not sure why I volunteered to do it'
What can I do, but encourage her on, 'service is love', I chip in
'Hmmm, frozen love?' I could smell the thirst for... getting stronger

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The thirst for a meaning, searching for the why, reason for the trouble 
'I am thinking, why, why, why, did I do this to myself?' she is moaning
It is never too late, to discover, nurture, and find your true self
Never too late, to be the better you, the true you that you ought to be

Love. Service. Relationship. Giving. FAMILY - sources of the thirst for ...
'True. But it is hard work. Devastating hard work, but I cannot run
Especially when I am not naturally gifted in that area'

Nothing good comes easy. 
Mediocre or mediocrity is the hallmark of lack of love, or a thirst
You do not know the true extent of your innate capability 
Until faced with issues that takes you out of your comfort zone

Those who wants to grow takes the challenge
They embark on the journey of history and soul searching
A journey they return from, never to return to again
Not to the bottom where they started the journey from

Seeds comes alive, different waking up morning for each seed type
They struggle to break free from the hindrance placed by the top soil
A new life breaks free from the entanglements of egg shell
Greasy coverings, nurturing safe haven is no longer good enough
Fear of waiting prey cannot hold back, generations steps to follow
The excitement of an unknown new world to explore beckons

A bright new day must always fight to emerge, smile and shine
The horrors of dreadful pitch darkness can only hold for defined hours 
And never for once is daylight held back by darkness beyond it's time
No matter how dark the pitch darkness is, it gives way to a new day

'You know how to dig these things out' she smiles, finding her voice
'My love, my friend of many decades, what can I do without you?'
'Dig wetin? I am not a well digger', I quickly correct her
'But you should dig a well before you are thirsty' I explain
He who has no thirst has no business at the fountain
The thirst for a meaning, soul food from a fountain of wisdom

'I did not mean that you are a well digger', she continue, face lighted up
'It was well written, you dig wells of words, so beautifully crafted
You sooth my pains, confusion, and relieve my thirst
Your fountain is really a well spring of words. I admire you'

So stressed I have not opened my laptop today
That is good, but you opened it for me, and I am grateful
I have mine opened though, just starring at your words

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We Are All A Little Broken

How to cover lifestyle expenses before retirement care

How to cover lifestyle expenses before retirement care

JUSTIN TANG/THE GLOBE AND MAIL/Simpson and Judy/How to cover lifestyle expenses.

Original story is by Dianne Maley, in a special to The Globe and Mail.

We all need to plan ahead for retirement. No matter how you visualize how it will be later, it will always be difficult to get the lenses right. At best, you can use the personal experiences of your parents, your friends parents or that of known relatives.

It will be totally inappropriate not to get an idea of what that period of life will look like. Quite well, different countries and jurisdictions have rules and programs that are different from one another.

But the basic rule is still the same, plan ahead. For there is coming a time when, as a result of age and for health consideration, you will not be able to work like you are doing today. By virtue of an early start, or outstanding pre-retirement investment, you may be able to earn a passive income that will be close to today’s income.

How to cover lifestyle expenses – Simpson and Judy (not real name) example

Simpson and Judy have retired from the work force – Simpson from the government and Judy from financial services – and are planning to spend more time travelling.

While they are not prosperous, Simpson and Judy are comfortable. They bring in more than $80,000 a year before tax between the two of them in government benefits and pension income. Simpson’s defined benefit pension is $37,290 a year, rising with inflation. Judy’s work pension is about $12,200 a year, not indexed to inflation. As well, they both get Old Age Security and Canada Pension Plan benefits.

“No matter how well off people are, they can’t enjoy their retirement to the fullest if they don’t have confidence that they have enough.”

CLIENT DESCRIPTION AND SITUATION

People involved: Simpson, 71, Judy, 65, and their three children.

The problem: Determining how far their savings and investments will go. How to invest the proceeds of a cottage sale. And how to keep income taxes to a minimum.

Aspiration and plan: Set aside some money for health care later in life. Take full advantage of their tax-free savings accounts. Consider hiring an investment counsellor to build a more diversified portfolio.

The payoff: Confidence they can achieve their goals with no more worrying about financial security.

Interesting readers comments on Globe and Mail investing and personal finance column

From over seventy comments on the article in globe and mail, the four below provides insights into how some are thinking about retirement and classification of the wealthy. Personally, it got me thinking, which side do I belong, poor, average, prosperous or wealthy?

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“On average, people live in a nursing home for less than three years, some five years, before they die.”

“We currently rent an apartment which is well-equipped with many amenities,” Judy writes in an e-mail. They own a lakefront four-season cottage. This is a former second home that they have decided to sell because they don’t use it much any more.

They plan to spend $15,000 a year travelling for the next decade. They are concerned they may have to tap into their savings or spend some of the proceeds of the cottage sale to cover their lifestyle spending.

As well, they wonder how best to invest the net proceeds of the cottage sale, estimated at $450,000. “How much should we put aside for long-term care support if needed?” Judy asks. “Would I be able to keep up our standard of living if Simpson should die and I lose half his pension?”

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Globe and mail asked an expert to look at Simpson and Judy’s situation.

WHAT THE EXPERT SAYS

  • Simpson and Judy have worked all their lives and managed their affairs wisely.
  • They are financially independent, that is, they have enough to retire and maintain their lifestyle.
  • As strange as it sounds, they lack financial security, or the confidence that they have enough to achieve all their goals.
  • Based on an assumed 4-per-cent average rate of return and inflation of 2 per cent, they will have sufficient financial resources to maintain their desired lifestyle and achieve all their financial goals.
  • Their financial independence is largely based on their work pensions and government benefits
  • With $80,000 in pensions and government benefits, it looks like they have enough to cover lifestyle expenses and pay their income tax.
  • Their travel money will come from investment income.

Benefits of giving children an “inheritance advance”

At some point before they pass away, the couples are thinking if they could afford to give each of their children an “inheritance advance.”  The following may apply if they do so.

  • It will allow the parents to enjoy seeing the good they can do.
  • Siblings war tends to be strange. Distributing early would reduce the possibility that their heirs will quarrel over what might be a larger estate.
  • Giving the children some money would reduce the parents’ investment income. It would lower their income tax liability and the possibility of having their Old Age Security benefits clawed back.
  • It would help the children when they most need the help.

Experts recommends they hire an investment counsellor, and draw up an investment policy statement among others.

Nothing in this write up is an investment advise or a guide on how to manage your own personal affairs.

Read https://www.theglobeandmail.com/investing/personal-finance/retirement/article-couple-want-to-cover-lifestyle-spending-and-set-aside-enough-for/

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